


The Last Year

by EstherRomanov



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Doukyuusei AU, F/M, M/M, Richie and Bill are basically rivals, Stozier as friends, classmates - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-08 13:59:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13459719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EstherRomanov/pseuds/EstherRomanov
Summary: Richie notices Eddie on his last year of high school.Based on the Japanese movieDoukyuusei(2016)





	1. Africa In The Fall

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my contribution to this fandom. I hope you like it.

They are classmates in Miss Wheeler’s music class. In the same class, two seats from him, in a one-hour lecture about clefs and high notes and such. Ten until eleven. One hour a day. Three hours a week. Sometimes he catches glimpses of him passing by the hallway, sometimes in the school cafeteria. There are times when he finds them sitting together on the same table in the library, and he would almost be tempted to crack a joke about his fanny pack or whatever that’s sitting in the sun, but then an outside force would prevent him from talking to this familiar stranger. Come weekend and that boy with the neat hair and fanny packs and a cute face will cease to exist in his world. There is no way they could be friends, that’s what Richie’s sure of when they were in freshman. He, with a lot of friends of his own, his bandmates, his best friend (although Stan would probably kill himself first before he admits he’s friends with Richie), the girls he dates – he’s an overall popular guy, both for good and bad reasons. Whilst the other boy has nothing save for his asthma and the stuttering weirdo he’s always with, and is nothing but a teacher’s pet. That has always been what’s happened to them in their last three years of high school. 

There’s just no reason Richie Tozier’s and Eddie Kaspbrak’s world should collide. 

But here they are, in his senior year in high school, in Miss Wheeler’s music class that is one hour a day and three times a week, towards the end of September, that he finally pays attention to Eddie. 

Miss Wheeler announces a group project; a little choir competition for their class – you know, just for fun (say this with the voice of an old wizard inviting you to an adventure: _‘I welcome you class to world of music’_ ). Richie wants to puke. 

Their headcount is 26 and they’re divided equally into two groups. They are given three weeks to prepare for a song. And the better group at the end will be… well, as said earlier, it’s just for fun anyway so who cares what the outcome will be. A team building activity they should think of it as. There’s a hidden agenda there. Probably the teacher wants them to be interested enough to join the school choir after this but whatever. 

“That’s stupid,” Henry Bowers says out loud when Miss Wheeler frowns at him mentions those conditions. 

Richie rolls his eyes at the idea of having a non-graded project. Damn, the only subject he gives a shit about this year doesn’t give a shit about student efforts. 

The teacher groups them and soon he is in a circle with Stan the Man, a rich girl who likes to chew gum, a red-haired girl who Richie saw a couple of times smoking at the back of the library, a fat boy, the farm boy, Henry fucking Bowers, Patrick fucking Hockstetter, the infamous Corcoran kid known for having an abusive father, a zombie boy who transferred last year, the writer kid who’s older brother died last summer, the asthmatic teacher’s pet, and Bill Denbrough. 

In reality, he notices Bill first because, as said before, this is a “friendly” choir competition and the boy is widely known for having a fucking stutter. It’s a fault no one denies. Even if the guy is now part of the student council, that stutter has impeded his confidence. It’s no secret. But then, a lot of them respect his leadership skills. The truth is, for everyone who’s had the chance to be acquainted with him before, they think the guy is perfect, or so Richie hears. 

Bill reddens when they reach a unanimous decision that he shall be their leader. “I… I-I w-will j-j-just c-conduct the rest of-of y-you…” Shit, the mighty leader’s stutter gets worse under scrutiny. How cute is that, Richie thinks. “Right n-now, w-we can dec-cide what s-song. And t-tonight I will prep-pare the s-sheet arrange… arrangement.” He clears his throat and looks around uncomfortably. “Any s-suggestions?” 

No one answers. 

“Bohemian Rhapsody,” Richie says suddenly. Henry sniggers at that and Stan hisses at him, “Don’t be fucking ambitious, Rich.” 

“Space Oddity?” Richie tries again. Stan rolls his eyes. Greta chomps loudly at her gum. Will cowers to his seat. Mike peeks at his wristwatch. 

“I know. Viva la Vida!” Richie perks up. Beverly pretends to fix her hair. Patrick checks her out. Gordie is inching to read the comics he brought in school. Bill gestures at Richie to continue on with his suggestions. 

“Ummm… Like A Prayer?” Out of nowhere, Eddie Corcoran sneezes and that does it for Richie. “Aw, come on guys. We’re supposed to have fun with this. Where’s the commitment?” 

“Fuck off, loser,” Greta says. 

“W-well,” Bill looks around at the others. “R-Richard’s right. How about y-you? I’m sure y-you have s-songs in mind?” 

“What about…” Ben starts. 

“What? What is it, Haystack? Go on,” Richie urges excitedly. Stan elbows him at his rudeness but he pays him no mind. 

Now it’s Ben who gets embarrassed by his classmates’ scrutinizing gaze. “I think Africa by Toto is a good choice,” he finishes. 

Beverly smiles softly at him. “Yeah. I like that one.” 

Bill looks around once again to his group. “S-so do you all agree w-with Africa? Are we a-all fine with Africa?” 

Everybody gives a shrug of non-commitment. 

“Wait, what about my Like A Virgin?” Richie protests. 

“Like A Prayer, you said earlier,” Stan snaps at him. 

“Like A Prayer, then,” Richie clarifies. But the rest are not interested anymore. 

The bell rings before Richie can go into defending his song choice and his group-mates leave just as soon as they got the chance. Richie looks at them helplessly. Even Stan the Man hurries outside. Richie is about to follow his Jewish friend through the door when he notices the little guy walking with the stuttering leader. That’s right. He is with their group too, right? He didn’t even speak at their meeting. Richie completely forgot he was there with them. 

Oh. Yes. He remembers. Because that’s Eddie Kaspbrak – the known brilliant hypochondriac student, every teacher’s pet, and Bill’s best friend. 

Richie becomes a little annoyed. 

_‘Why didn’t he contribute anything to the discussion? Not that the rest did but at least they gave approval in the end. Why? Music must be a little importance to him, then. Maybe these are all stupid for him. That’s Eddie for you._

That is the first time Richie wants to delve deeper into Eddie’s character. 

2 

Bill did give his arrangements the following meeting in a small circle inside the theater hall. Their leader is hyped up that morning that Henry can’t help but to notice. 

“What are you all excited about?” he asks as he gets his copy of the arrangement. Apparently, the guy still thinks that this “fun” project is the stupidest thing ever and not, well, fun. 

“Do we really have to this? This is so annoying,” Greta says as she scans her copy. 

“It’s b-bothersome to all of you but t-think about m-me who has to g-get you voices in shape, w-will you? N-now. I’ll have you singing g-good enough to bring t-tears in my eyes, j-just watch.” 

“What’s the point of making Big Bill cry? Gross,” Richie puts in. He raises his hands towards Stan and waits for a high five. It doesn’t come. 

Bill looks around at his classmates. It seems Ben, Beverly and Richie are the only ones up for this project. Fine. That will change in time. 

He sits behind the piano and orders his group to stand up and give the song a whirl. “L-let me hear those voices.” 

Richie’s voice drops to a falsetto. “Oh, Bill. You can play the piano, too? My, my. Whatever is it that you can’t do?” 

“Shut the fuck up, Richie, or I swear to God I’ll kill you,” Stan threatens. 

“Why don’t you swear to Moses?” Richie asks with a shot of a middle finger. 

Bill laughs lowly at this exchange before proceeding with the keys. The group sings: 

_“I hear the drums echoing tonight_  
_But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation_  
_She's coming in twelve-thirty flight_  
_Her moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation.”_

They reach the second verse and then Bill makes them repeat from the top. And then again. And again. All those trials Richie notes that Eddie Kaspbrak is not singing. The two of them are in the back, so Bill must’ve not noticed that Eddie is just mouthing the words. 

_“Like I’ll sing some stupid song, he must have been saying to himself,”_ Richie thinks. 

The first practice ends with Richie a little more annoyed and intrigued by Eddie. But it’s Friday, and he decides that it’s useless to think about a guy he’ll only see in one class, three hours a week; one who will cease to exist in his life during the weekend and many times in between. But come dismissal, he and Stan ready for their band practice (that’s right, they were in a band with a growing following in this little shitty town of Derry) and Richie thinks he must have forgotten his file folder in the theater room. 

You would have thought that a guy like Richie, who is popular and a bit of laidback student, wouldn’t care about his academics. He didn’t at first but he thought that it might be nice to put in effort in his last year of high school before his life goes in a drain again when the question of college comes. Because future and adulthood are all bleak to him yet, but that part of the story is for another day. 

He comes a-running to the theater room where he is sure he left his notebook and there he hears a meek voice… singing. 

_“I stopped an old man along the way… Hoping – Hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient m-melodies.”_

Eddie (not Corcoran but Kaspbrak), singing, training. 

He stumbles with many words and his voice cracks in places but Richie is still stunned. _The short boy cares after all._ He approaches Eddie who also notices his arrival and abruptly tucks his music sheet in his back pack. 

“Hey.” Richie nods at him in way of greeting. 

“Tozier,” Eddie mumbles. 

Richie finds his folder under the piano ( _“How the fuck did it got here? The fuck. Must be Henry!_ ) while Eddie fixes his things. That should be it for them but then Richie finds himself saying, “Hey, Eddie. You messed up a little a while ago.” 

The shorter boy looks at him in confusion. 

Richie explains, “It’s not ‘ _Hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies_ ’. It’s ‘ _Hoping to find some old forgotten words… or ancient melodies_ ’. 

Eddie whips out his music sheet from his bag. He just looks so puzzled that Richie finds it’s endearing. 

Eddie attempts to sing it again. “ _Old forgotten words… or ancient melodies_.” 

Being the helpful guy that he is (and hoping to score. What? A guy can’t wish?) he scoots over to where Eddie is sat and points at the notes. “Here? See? ‘ _Hoping to find some old forgotten words_. Pause. ‘ _Or ancient melodies_ ’.” 

Eddie repeats after him with quite a success. 

“Exactly!” Richie beams at him then points again at the notes and sings. “ _He turned to me as if to say, "Hurry, boy, it's waiting there for you." /It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you./There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do/ I bless the rains down in Africa/ Gonna take some time to do the things we never had_.” 

Eddie is looking at him again, this time in amazement. “We didn’t practice that part yet.” 

Richie catches himself. “Oh. Yeah, but… looking at the score, I…” 

“That’s right. You’re in a band or something, right?” 

“I know what you’re thinking.” He drops to his damsel-in-distress voice. “Oh! Richie! You are so amazing!” He catches a little pout dwelling on Eddie’s lips. 

“No. I don’t think you are.” 

“Oh, come on.” 

Eddie hesitated. “Okay. Maybe a little.” He places the sheet back to his bag again. “Thank you. For teaching me, that is.” 

He looks so shy that this time its Richie’s turn to stare. 

“I thought you weren’t into it,” he confesses to him. At Eddie’s confused expression (he’s doing it again!) he continues. “Well, I thought that maybe you were the type of guy who thinks that singing is stupid. Since you didn’t sing earlier, you know?” 

“The contact lenses I ordered haven’t arrived yet, so I couldn’t read the score properly on my sheet without looking so stupid.” 

_A self-conscious guy?_

“Why don’t you ask Bill for help? I’m sure he can think of a way. Big Bill always does… And he’s your best friend.” 

Eddie tidies up. “No. I don’t want to trouble Bill with this. What with the student council and all. The contact lenses… they’ll arrive next week so… it’s okay.” 

Richie’s analytical mind begins to work. ‘ _Is this what it is? Is that the reason he’s studying in secret? Wait. Is Bill even the kind of guy to be troubled by something like this?_ ’ 

Eddie readies to go and suddenly Richie finds himself not wanting that (Eddie, leaving him, that is) so he sputters out before the shorter one can make his way to the door. “Hey… Do you… do you want to meet? Us? Together? To practice singing? Until the project presentation?” 

Eddie stops and slowly turns at him, eyes wild and shock, and staring. 

_Fuck you, Twilight movies. We’ll beat you with the number of staring!_

Richie is holding his breath. Puzzlement is written all over Eddie’s face and he looks so shy and he’s adorable when he’s shy and… 

3 

“Hmm? And then what happened?” Stan asks him without the real curiosity for answers. 

They are in their band practice now, him and Stan taking a break while Beaver makes adjustment on his drum set and Jonesy is outside getting snacks. 

Richie ignores Stan’s faux interest and tells just what happened that afternoon. “Then he leaned forward and said ‘Uh…sure.” 

“I’m happy for you,” Stan says. 

“What? No! That’s not what it meant! He and I… I’m just offering help. We’re not… FUCK YOU!” 

Stan sighs. “Oh, you shitty, little prima donna. What I’m about to say is I’m happy you found another person to bother. And I feel sorry for Kaspbrak that he doesn’t know better than to make friends with someone as irritating and abhorrent and a trashmouth as you. Honestly, I’m surprised that Eddie hasn’t heard of how detestable you are.” 

Richie would be surprised too but he’s more surprised of himself that he actually made that offer to Eddie. 

_‘I guess…’_

He punches Stan in the arm for those unwarranted insults. Band practice resumes. 

_‘I guess I have a crush.’_

4 

Eddie and Richie meet again the next week as promised, by the benches of the baseball field. It’s lunch break, then. They have just finished their practice session as a group and, with some miracle, all of them now seems hyped up for the practice, even Eddie. The contact lenses have arrived, he said, and he’s more than willing to learn. However… 

“Fuck. Eds, you got the note wrong. Look, there’s a natural, so you gotta go back a half-tone.” Richie picks and points at their sheets. “See? So it’s a normal ‘mi.’” 

“I told you. Don’t call me Eds. I don’t like it.” Eddie looks at where Richie is pointing in the sheet. “‘Mi’? Isn’t this a ‘mi’?” He points as well. 

Richie laughs. “No. That’s the treble clef ‘mi.’” 

“Treble clef,” Eddie repeats under his breath. 

“Eds – I mean, Eddie. Never mind the contact lenses. Could it be that you just can’t read the scores?” 

“I can read them!” He points at the paper again. “This is a ‘do’, right? Do Ti Ra So…” 

Richie watches him in amusement. “Are you going to count your way through all the notes? I can’t believe it. You’re surely one of a kind!” 

Eddie is pouting. _Interesting. I had offended him. But I don’t really want to anger the guy, so..._

He adjusts his glasses. “Well then, Eds—” 

“It’s Eddie.” 

“Eddie. Well then. Leave the scores aside. Just sing after me.” 

And so he teaches him. He teaches him in the following sessions even when Bill divides the little group in altos and tenors and he is the latter while Eddie is the former; with the excuse that he knows how altos work, too and there’s a part where they have to harmonize and its best if they practice together. They practice during lunch breaks and after school, even when he’s always becoming late to his band practices that he has to owe his bandmates Big Mac and ramen. He and Eddie go together even when Stan becomes a little too overbearing and even when Bill begins to notice. But what does it matter? It’s a little fun project, as Miss Wheeler likes to reiterate. And possibly the rest of their group – not just Eddie and Richie – are facing self-reflection and development in these, however bizarre that sounds. They all progress and they perfected the score. Bill is highly surprised by that on their last day of practice that he couldn’t speak for a second there. The leader begins to smile. 

“I told you! You can totally do it if you try! I’m totally tearing right now.” He didn’t stutter. 

Henry and Patrick are weirded out. “The hell, man.” “Don’t cry on us, Stuttering Bill.” 

“It’s easy-peasy, anyway,” Mike is saying. 

“Ben chose for us the best song,” Beverly compliments and soon Ben is the one having a stutter. 

“We have an awesome leader, too. As usual,” Will says of Bill meekly. 

Stan is smug. “Honestly, I totally thought you guys would crash and burn. But we really did work our asses of just for a chance to see you cry, Bill.” 

“I-in that c-case, y-you must t-try b-better tomorrow. I’ll bring a p-pack of t-tissues.” 

“I don’t want to see a grown man cry!” Greta groans. 

All in all, everybody is happy with the result. Every one of them is turning around, giving each other congratulations. They are all friends in that monumental moment. And Richie, he now forgives everybody for not choosing Bohemian Rhapsody. He turns to Eddie to congratulate him as well but then he stops. 

Eddie and Bill are looking at each other, with giddy smiles on their faces. _Like a couple in love. Like a couple with so much plan together. Like a couple…_

“Now, l-let’s go one last time. F-for real now.” 

“What the fuck? The one a while ago wasn’t the last?” Someone from them complains. But Richie didn’t care to find out who. 

5 

Richie takes Eddie for practice one last time in the park that same afternoon. Eddie sings the song perfectly that Richie has to be proud for the both of them. He even says that so to Eddie which caused the other boy to blush. This time, Richie willed himself to not be affected by Eddie’s adorable change of expressions. 

He’s about to leave when Eddie pulls at his sleeves and asks him if could treat Richie for a drink, as a show of gratitude. Richie thinks of Bill, and how he must be waiting for Eddie right now, but Eddie is stubborn. Richie learned a while ago that Eddie is stubborn to the things he wants done and it’s useless to refuse, so he acquiesces. 

Richie sits by the park’s fountain while Eddie buys them beverages. It is twilight now. He thinks about the shit his bandmates will give him now that he’s about to be late again. Eddie comes back with two soda cans bought from the vending machine nearby. 

Richie feigns a gasp. He uses his damsel voice. “How cheaply you must think of my time, sir, that you thought soda—” 

“Just take the damned can, Trashmouth.” 

“Where did you get that name?” 

“Where do you think? From everyone.” 

Richie smiles at him and finally takes the can. “Thanks.” 

Eddie takes the seat beside him. “I know it’s nothing compared to what you did to me. You really helped me a lot. Thank you very much.” 

He looks so sincere that Richie just can’t… _Stupid perfect William Denbrough!_

They drink in a comfortable silence before Richie cuts it with a very important question. “Eddie. All of these… did you do all of these for Bill?” 

“What?” Eddie is surprised. 

_Maybe it’s a secret love after all._ “You and Bill are childhood friends, right? And… and…I know you aren’t friends in anybody in our school except for him. I know he’s already special and all but he must also be special to you… and…” 

“What?” Eddie asks again. He is becoming more and more agitated by every nonsensical shit that’s coming from Richie’s mouth. “What are you talking about?!” He stands up suddenly and drops his can of soda in the process. 

“Oops. I’ll get it for you.” Richie starts to pick up the can which is still rolling and rolling farther from their spot. 

Suddenly regaining his senses, Eddie follows the can, too. “No, it’s all right. I can get it myself.” 

They both trail after the damned soda can and reach for it at the same time, with Eddie’s small, frail hand underneath Richie’s calloused hand. And that moment is so perfect that Richie has to… he just has to… 

He kisses Eddie. 

Both of them are surprised by the contact that they both back off. Richie is hysterical. “I’m sorry…” he begins to say. Eddie just looks at him with an unreadable expression. He’s not saying anything. Things getting awkward, Richie panics. “I… I have to…” he runs to his backpack and runs off. “I have to go home!” he shouts. He vaguely hears Eddie calling for him but he runs and runs. 

And runs. 

_This is bad! This is bad!_

_Splish, splash. The sound of the fizzling soda._

_Eds’ voice breaking that high note._

_Eddie’s lips…_

_But… it was all for Bill. Just for Bill._

He runs. 

_This sucks! Screw this shit! I want to fucking die!_

And runs home. 

6 

Their group performed second, following group one’s Some Nights rendition. 

Richie feels nothing. He hasn’t talk to anyone that morning and Eddie is positively ignoring him. Stan feels the need to make fun of his friend but Richie has become too silent for his liking. What has Eddie done to Derry’s very own Trashmouth? 

Richie stands in the back with Henry, Patrick, Mike, Stan and Gordie, being tall and all. Bill takes his place in front of them while a paid student assistant is behind the piano. Then Bill raises his arms, takes a good look at everybody, stops at Eddie to give a very encouraging smile (Richie doesn’t fail to notice that), and finally, they begin. 

_“I hear the drums echoing tonight_  
_But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation_  
_She's coming in twelve-thirty flight_  
_Her moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation_

_“I stopped an old man along the way_  
_Hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies_  
_He turned to me as if to say, "Hurry, boy, it's waiting there for you."_

_“It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you_  
_There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do_  
_I bless the rains down in Africa_  
_Gonna take some time to do the things we never had.”_

He can’t help it. Richie’s eyes begin to wander where Eddie is at and notices that the boy is singing with no problem. Thank God for that. Now Eddie can impress Bill. Now Bill can be proud of Eddie. Gosh, who even will deny if Richie proposes that Eddie did this for the both of them? That Eddie sings for the both of them since Bill can’t sing because of his fucking stutter but who cares if the bastard has a stutter when everybody already thinks he is perfect and everybody loves him especially Eddie. 

How sweet that could be. 

How painful it is to love with only a three-week notice. 

A single tear falls from his eye and he pauses singing. Oh dear Lord. He is crying in the middle of a performance in the midst of a handful of people. 

But, to emphasize, he can’t help it. The tears are falling and he can’t help it. Bill stops when he notices. Henry and Patrick and Stan and Mike and everyone stop and are looking at him now with faces of askance. 

Eddie is looking, too. 

“Fuck.” He covers his eyes. “Fuck.” He runs outside. 

“Richie!” Eddie calls and follows him. 

“Eddie?” Bill calls out too but he has to stay and face the music of the soap opera Richie Tozier made. 

Stan smiles to himself. _What a crybaby and insufferable prima donna Richie is._

7 

Eddie is chasing him at the back of the school, where no students are allowed to wander off during class hours. 

“RICHIE!” he calls. “What the hell’s your problem? What’s this all of a sudden?” 

“Go back!” Richie orders him, still running. “Bill’s going to worry about you!” 

“Why are you constantly bringing up Bill?” But Richie is already far away and Eddie can’t run anymore. He can’t breathe and he drops to the ground. Stupid asthma. Stupid asthma. His visions are becoming cloudy. Desperately, he searches blindly for his inhaler in his fanny pack with a hand while struggling to breathe. 

Oh, God. He’s going to die. 

Just then, a hand comes helping him sit up. He is leaned by a bark of a tree and while he gasps for air, the owner of the hand searches his inhaler for him. He his handed the medical device and then he puffs and huffs and holds his breath until he is saved from danger. It takes a while before his heart to relax and his breathing to return to normal. Very soon he realizes Richie clearly again hovering over him with worry. The guy is still tearing up. 

Richie takes off his glasses and desperately tries to wipe his tears away. “H-hey. Are you all right now?” 

Eddie pouts and then goes on to hit repeatedly Richie in his chest. “Are you an idiot?! Why did you run away?” He attempts to come off as angry but he is still weak. “And why do you keep on bringing Bill up? You’re a complete knucklehead, do you know that? Now tell me why. Answer me!” 

“Because I think I might have fallen in love with you!” He burst into tears. 

_What?_

“But you like fucking Bill Denbrough. And you do everything for Bill! You’re in love with him! And I totally just helped my rival back there! I hate it! I hate it!” 

Eddie is irritated. Crying like a baby. “Richie…” 

“And now I’m sputtering like an idiot! And I don’t know what to do! And now I’m nothing. Just nothing.” 

Eddie is totally going to clout Richie when his little episode is ever which doesn’t take much longer as Richie’s tears subsides. 

“Richie?” 

“I’m fine.” He wipes his tears and snot away with a hand. “I’m fine,” he repeats, hastily putting on his glasses. 

_How unhygienic_ , Eddie thinks. 

“Richie.” 

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” 

“Rich.” 

“No, it’s okay. I said I’m fine.” 

“Richie, would you please listen?” he holds Richie’s face between his hands. “Trashmouth, if you don’t toughen up I’ll slap you. You’re such a pain in the ass.” 

“We haven’t done _that_ yet!” Richie retorts. 

“My God, why am I wasting my time on you!” 

Richie grabs him before he can leave, muttering his apologies and his promises to shut up. 

“Shut up, Richie. Listen. What I want to say is I didn’t do all of that for Bill. And sure I like him but not that way. I’m not in love with him. We’re just friends.” 

Richie’s face seems to lighten up. “Really? Can you repeat that?” He is beginning to smile and Eddie is beginning to get unnerved. 

“I said it’s not for Bill.” Eddie avoids the latter’s gaze. “It’s just that, yesterday when you ask me, I was just surprised… It’s not for Bill but for you. Because when we sing together, I am… singing with you was…” he trails off. He hides his face in his hands. 

Richie can’t believe his ears and his luck. “What? Singing with me was what?” 

“Never mind. You don’t deserve to know. You had me worried sick.” 

“You can’t leave me hanging now, Eds.” 

“Don’t call me that!” 

“Trashmouth!” “Eddie! Are you sure t-they went off h-here?” “Quite sure.” 

They look around when they hear Stan and Bill’s voices. 

_Fuck you, Bill. Like I’m going to hand Eddie to you now._

“Come!” He grabs Eddie and leads him to inside the storage area nearby. There they stayed peeking at the door until they are sure Stan and Bill are gone to find them elsewhere. 

“We should go back,” Eddie tells Richie when they are alone. 

Richie has other things in mind, though. He backs Eddie to the door and corners him there. “Tell me first the last part. Singing with me was..?” 

“Like you deserve to know!” Eddie is really cute, especially when angry. Richie indulges himself this time. 

“Cute, cute, cute!” He embraces the little boy tightly. 

“Cut it off, Trashmouth! Get away from me!” 

“I’ve been thinking,” Richie’s face is getting closer and closer and it shuts Eddie up. “The last time, did my glasses get in the way of our kissing?” Eddie has nothing more to say so the infamous Trashmouth closes the one-inch gap between their lips. He feels happy. He feels complete. In his boring and all-too-normal years in high school in this monotone town, something divine is finally taking place. 

Eddie is quivering beneath him and not responding to the kiss but for now that is okay. 

This is only the start. 

Singing with Richie after all, according to Eddie, is no problem. 

Fall – End 


	2. Haiku In The Winter

When Sonia and Eddie moved in this town ten years ago, it was for the reason of running away from Eddie’s dad. Eddie didn’t know that back then – he was just seven years old that time and Sonia would be damned if she let things like that hurt her only son. Over time, Eddie understood on his own anyway. 

Back when he was young, Bill had been his neighbor, his friend, his world. Bill was a model kid. He’s polite and prim and proper and protective when he needs to. And he’s a very handsome boy. Sonia just knew that he is the perfect candidate to be Eddie’s friend – the only one fitted to be Eddie’s protector and sworn brother. It was that so that Sonia never let anyone to be friends with Eddie, and Mr. and Mrs. Denbrough were just a tad bit too happy that Bill got a second chance in looking after someone who’s weaker than him, as his younger brother died in his watch a summer ago before the Kaspbraks moved in. So yeah, it was a fucked-up scenario; one warranting a handful of therapy sessions talking about your choice of friends. But seven-year-old Eddie and eight-year-old Bill didn’t complain. They’re children. Give them a treasure and they will believe it will last a lifetime. Give them a friend (as opposed to letting them find a friend) and they will think they’re a gift that was meant to stick with them forever. So Bill and Eddie had each other. Nothing else mattered in their world but them. They own the world and the world became magnificent in their eyes. Being with each other, all through growth years until now, through their laughter and their little squabbles, they didn’t even notice how their town is dreary to everyone around them. 

This town, nothing’s really special in this, innit? Well, you could ask Mike Hanlon and maybe he’ll tell you otherwise. The history nerd will tell you about the murders and child disappearances that he theorizes happen every 27 years for some mysterious and creepy reason – a phenomenon that no one seems to notice. And you can read all about that in the school paper that Mike authors half of, and you may find it interesting and bizarre. But for the most part, the subject of the appeal of Derry is better left alone. 

Now at the last year of high school, Eddie is inclined to agree that Derry is quite dull. That realization just struck him one day when he was thinking of the universities he can attend, all of them outside Maine, and he thinks, _“Oh. A whole new world out there. And there’s nothing in here that can even keep me from exploring the world outside! Even Bill can’t keep me here. But Bill will go with me wherever I go anyway.”_

He feels bad for thinking that way. He sounds ungrateful. So he dismisses the thoughts of college far from his mind and chooses to just enjoy his last year in high school. 

He thought he was on the right track until he realizes God wants to mess up with him when he meets Richie Tozier. 

What does he feel about Richie? Well, Sonia doesn’t trust him when she first heard of his shenanigans during a parents-teachers conference. Bill is not sure Eddie should pursue his “friendship” with the four-eyed guy (he doesn’t know that Eddie and Richie are not exactly friends at that moment). 

Yeah, yeah. But what does Eddie feel about Richie? 

Heck if he knows. He can’t be sure what to feel about Richie when he’s also not positive on what Richie really feels about him. What if he’s just messing up with Eddie’s inexperienced feelings? He’s popular with the ladies after all. What if he is just doing things to spice up his last year? 

Eddie has to hold back. He, who has been protected all his life, can’t just go risking his emotions and feelings out there. 

And good thing it must have done him when he was in the boy’s locker room, in a corner where his dress locker is, and he hears people walk in and there are voices talking in this empty place, early afternoon of a Thursday in December. 

At first he can’t clearly make out the words they are saying. 

“Why are you constantly…” 

_What… making jokes about… my dick size?_

“‘Cause your… mom… it…” 

_Because your mom is really into it? What?_

“God, why do I… with you?” 

_God, why do I hang out with you?_

“Wait. Are you asking me or God?” 

_That’s Richie!_

Pause. “Beep, beep, Richie. Just hurry up. We’ll be late for class.” 

_And that’s Stan._

They don’t talk in those next moments, and in that time Eddie is wondering if he can approach the two; thinking if it’s all right if he should broaden his world a bit. 

“Is there something going on between you and that Kaspbrak kid, by the way?” Stan asks. 

Eddie freezes where he stands. 

“Like what?” Richie asks (stupidly so, in Eddie’s opinion). 

“Ummm… well, you know? Like during lunch breaks, you keep staring at his and Bill’s table – and he to you if I might observe. You go now to the library just to study with him. You skipped band practice just to help him in a school project. Then you’re all Eddie this and Eddie that as of late. And lately, you go home together. Does Bill know about that? Did he give you his blessing?” 

Richie laughs. 

“Don’t just laugh, you blockhead. Are you two… you know? Not that I mind, but…” Pause. “Lemme just say this. Eddie is of different genre from us, understand?” 

“Genre?” 

“Somehow when you two are together, it just seems…” 

“Weird,” Richie supplies. 

“I guess it’s weird, yeah.” 

Richie laughs again. 

“Don’t laugh at me. What’s there to laugh about? There are already rumors going around.” 

“Rumors like what?” 

“You know, just the kind of rumors that pop up… when two boys suddenly spend an awful lot of time together.” 

“Hmmm… aren’t there rumors about Bill and Eddie before?” 

“Unless you’re going for brotherly love and a platonic relationship, I guess it’s no use. Fine. Why would I care about you, anyway? We’ll be late for class. Finished your assignment?” 

“What assignment?” 

“Our haiku assignment, stupid!” 

There are steps, which, like their voices, droned on and on until it faded and disappeared with the closing of the door. 

2 

Richie finally found someone he likes. In the same school, walking the same grounds, in the same music class – only now they don’t have to be restricted to that one-hour-a-day-three-hours-a-week routine any longer. Now Richie can talk to him in the hallway. He can sneak in to the library and see if Eddie is studying there. And finally, he can walk Eddie home. 

Bill had been a little reserved when Richie asked him if he can accompany Eddie home. But since it’s getting late and student council duties is keeping Bill at bay and he remembers how worrisome Sonia gets when Bill and Eddie goes home in the early evening, Bill agrees (for the first time dreading his position in the student council). 

Now Richie and Eddie are walking home, their slow footsteps crunching with the thin layer of snow, and Richie is telling the shorter boy about his lit class. 

“Miss Wilkes nearly blew her head off when I said I didn’t prepare any goddamn haiku. I don’t know what her problem is. We’re not Japanese.” 

“Haiku is still a form of poetry. Appreciation of such things that enhances your skills should be universal, not cultural,” Eddie puts in mildly. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just kidding around, Eds. I believe in what you just said, too. Anyway Haystack’s called next, and I’m telling you, that kid’s a genius. How did his haiku go? Wait, let me remember.” 

“This is far enough, Richie.” Eddie stops abruptly. They are in Neibolt Street, his house is still five blocks away. 

“Just a little while longer.” Richie continues to walk. “Until just around that corner.” 

Eddie keeps his mouth shut and they walk on. Suddenly, snow is falling. They both stop and look up at the sky, like wondering children. 

Richie smiles. Eddie shivers. The taller boy notices that and pulls off his scarf and puts it around Eddie’s neck amidst Eddie’s protest. 

“How about you? You’ll get cold too.” 

“It’s alright. I’m not a huge fan of scarves anyway.” Richie fixes the wooly cloth around Eddie’s small frame. After a job well done (and after seeing a satisfying expression from Eddie), Richie looks around. “Man, I really miss the days when people make snow cones out of fresh snow. Now everything is too dirty to line their stomachs, I think. No offense to you anyway, Eds.” He pinches his cheek. Eddie slaps the offending hand away. 

“No offense taken,” Eddie says. “How many times would I tell you not to call me Eds? And why are you looking at me like that? D-don’t look at me. You’re creeping me out. What?” He has been backed on someone’s house brick wall, Richie’s arms on his either sides keeping him from escaping. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asks. 

“No,” Eddie says, but without real protest in it. 

So Richie cups the boy’s face and kisses him. He stays put but he’s still unresponsive as always, Richie notes. And this time, he seems to be frantic and disconcerted. Like something is in his mind. 

Eddie pushes Richie harshly off. “I said ‘no’, didn’t I?” 

“Why can’t I kiss you?” Richie asks, a little hurt by the way he was pushed aside. “We’re dating, aren’t we?” 

“We’re not.” Eddie resumes his walk. Richie catches up with him. 

“Even when we’re kissing?” Richie teases. “Do you kiss people you’re not even going out with, Eds?” he teases some more. 

“Fine. We’ll stop doing that then.” 

Richie stops in his tracks. “What?” 

Eddie looks at him. “If it’s weird to you, then we don’t have to do any of that anymore. I won’t do it anymore!” He runs away. 

Richie is alone, while the snow starts to fall heavily for the night. That’s not how he wanted the conversation to go, though. What just happened? 

3 

Bill is helping the college counseling committee. He is the first one Richie notices when he enters the department. The sight of him adds to his already sour mood. First college. Then Eddie who is now ignoring him. Now Bill who Eddie will never ignore in this entire world. Tell him now how can he concentrate bullshitting this college-counseling-shit? 

Sir King is impatient. “I don’t care if it’s some useless college or some useless major. Just write down your three options.” 

Bill is just outside the office, typing what the teachers instructed him to, possibly listening to this. Richie wants to die. 

“Kids these days,” Sir King is muttering angrily. “All about sex and love and rock and roll.” 

Which is unfair to say considering Richie heard that he’s overdosing on coke when he was in his youth. 

“You’re too young for all of that. You can do those stuffs once you got the important things in your life all figured out.” 

Now Sir King is lecturing. Richie doesn’t want any of this. He doesn’t even know what’s truly important in his life! 

“And you’re 50 years too early to think you can hand in a blank form.” 

“S-Sir,” Bill knocks on their door. “I’m sorry to i-interrupt but your w-wife is on the phone.” 

“Is that so?” The counselor gives Richie a once-over before directing his attention to Bill. “Hey, Mr. Denbrough. You’ve got your college forms all sorted out, right? Why don’t you take over here and give Mr. Tozier some advice? He seems lost.” He gets up and leaves. 

Richie is irritated while Bill hesitated first before taking the seat of the teacher. 

“So you h-haven’t passed your college forms, yet?” 

Richie ignores him and looks outside the window. Again, there’s snow. Being with Bill makes him think of Eddie and the last time they walked home together. What were they talking about again back then? 

“Your hair…” 

“W-what?” 

“Your hair… is winter fire… what was it again?” 

“W-what are you saying?” 

“Something Haystack pulled the other day in our literature class. Your hair is—” 

Bill purses his lips and then asks, “You and Eddie have b-been getting along well lately, r-right? That is, until r-r-recently.” He gets Richie’s attention. “I w-went home that day. He looks so u-upset. And l-lately—” 

“Is that so? It’s none of your business, is it?” Richie snaps. 

Bill sighs. “W-well I suppose it isn’t. You being w-with Eddie is none of my business. But Eddie i-is always my concern.” 

Richie stares at him. 

“We’ve known each other since we’re very y-young. H-his mom is very s-selective of his friends. While my parents are – it’s a c-c-complicated story. What it comes down to is this: it is almost an arrangeme-ment on what is between Eddie and me. My childhood m-memories consist only of him and I reckon Eddie also feels the same. I suppose we should only see each other as friends or brothers forever, as our families want us to. But they can be short-sighted at times and h-here I am in this situation. And I’ll be damned if mine and Eddie’s arrangement change just because you came along.” He sounds almost spiteful at the end. And his stutter was almost gone during that speech. Richie wonders what he has gotten into. 

The bell rings. 

“B-break’s o-over.” Bill opens the student list in front of him. “T-tell Eddie if you see him that it’s his turn next f-for college c-c-counseling. Tell him to come after classes.” 

4 

With that conversation in mind, Richie wanders aimlessly in the corridors of the building. Truth be told, Bill does sound scary when he becomes threatening. Should Richie give up Eddie just because of that? You wish. 

And it is as if Richie can just haply bump into Eddie in this large and crowded school building. They have no classes together (the music class ended a while ago – and even then Eddie is so elusive that Richie can’t even say hi to him without the boy immediately running to the opposite direction). 

_This sucks._

_“Your hair is winter fire... January embers…”_

He stumbles upon Eddie on the way to his locker. 

The shorter is surprised at first upon seeing him. Then he straightens up and continues to walk pass him. 

“Eddie,” he calls. 

Eddie trudges on through the crowd of students. 

Richie is getting pissed off by Eddie’s behavior. It’s all too much. He… Eddie’s being overdramatic and it’s getting annoying and it pisses Richie off. “You don’t have to ignore me, do you?” he mutters under his breath. And then aloud, “Aren’t you being too egocentric?” 

So loud that not only Eddie turns around but everyone does – students and teachers alike. 

“What’s that?” “Was that a fight?” “Is Trashmouth trying to pick a fight on someone again?” 

Richie is deathly embarrassed. He looks at Eddie regretfully and then tries to recover from his humiliation. “D-Denbrough said to look for you for college counseling… after school…” 

Eddie looks down with an expression Richie can’t pinpoint what is of. _Anger? Exasperation? Hatred? What?_

“Okay.” Eddie walks away. 

_What?_

5 

Why did things turn out like this? Even so, isn’t Eddie the wrong here for ignoring him first? 

_“I’ll be damned if mine and Eddie’s arrangement change just because you came along.”_

Eddie seemed angry. Or rather… 

Rather what? 

“What are you thinking?” Stan asks him on their way to band practice. 

“Nothing.” 

“Really? You’ve been spacing out since we left school. Care to share what’s bothering you?” 

“Nothing…” Richie says softly. 

“Hey, Trashmouth! I know your brain is composed of nothing but I know that doesn’t mean it can’t think of anything! Share!” 

Richie is quiet for a considerable amount of time before speaking. “He doesn’t seem angry. Rather he is…” 

“What? Who’s rather what? Who doesn’t seem angry?” 

Richie stops walking. “He seemed sad!” he announces. “I have to go back to school!” 

“We’re halfway to the garage!” Stan retorts but Richie is already sprinting to the way back to their campus. And what was there left to do but to follow that douchebag? 

6 

“I don’t really have much things to guide you about, you see?” Sir King tells Eddie after school. “Mr. Kaspbrak, as long as you keep your grades at this level, you won’t have any problems with the entrance exams. What’s left is your health… I think I will talk to your mother about that.” 

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” 

The teacher smiles at him then looks out the door where Bill is waiting for his friend. 

“I wouldn’t worry too much, if I were you,” the teacher tells Eddie. “If you can keep your mom cool and as long as you’ve got a friend like William Denbrough and you keep your mind on your grades and goals, you’re on the right track. You’ve already got a planned life, haven’t you?” 

Bill fidgets at his spot. He can hear them. 

Eddie supposes that having a planned life is good if adults find it so. So he takes that compliment and thanks the counselor again. 

Very soon it was Bill and Eddie left in the office to clean the floors and sort the desks. The school is now deserted. Eddie finds familiarity in that scene when Bill and Eddie are alone together. They were always so in the past because of Bill’s student council duties… before Richie offers his company for Eddie. 

_“Your hair is winter fire. January embers. My heart burns there, too_ … was it? Was that how it goes?” 

“What?” 

Bill motions at the school paper lying on top of the desk he’s cleaning. “Something Richie said e-earlier. I’ve r-read it in the s-school p-paper just now. Miss Wilkes’ picks from her lit c-class. B-Ben Hanscom wrote that one. I-I think it’s for Beverly Marsh. Do you know Ben and Bev are officially dating since t-today?” 

Eddie smiles at that. “How nice.” He throws some scratch papers grudgingly to the waste basket. “How nice,” he repeats. 

Bill looks at him. “Eddie. Did you dump Richie?” 

The shorter boy is surprised by the question. “Excuse me?” 

“O-or is it the other way around. Did you get dumped by h-him?” 

Eddie tries to smile it off. “What are you asking me, Billie? It’s nothing.” 

“You just seemed down, that’s all.” Bill slowly makes his way to where Eddie is cleaning by Miss Wilkes’ desk. The shorter boy seems to be in misery and Bill can’t stand it. 

“You and Richie were dating, weren’t you?” he asks with distaste. 

Eddie avoids his gaze. “No. You would know if we were, Bill. I wouldn’t go behind your back.” 

“Are you still going out with him, then?” Now he is in front of Eddie and Eddie is not going anywhere. He caresses the shorter boy’s cheek, which forces Eddie to look up to him. “I know that you know t-that we’re at this point of life where e-everything seems boring. We’re at this point of life. A-at first you are contented, then the force of adulthood comes and the opportunity of college and leaving all this dread invites us. I tell you. Even Mike Hanlon who finds the beauty in the dulliest of things won’t hesitate to leave Derry if the opportunity knocks, I’m sure of that. 

“There are those who will realize that when the time comes that they leave Derry for good, they stop to look around and decide to explore everything this simple place can offer. So after a few years when they reflect their youth, they can say, ‘At least I’ve done that.’” He leans down, resting his forehead against Eddie’s, rendering the latter breathless. “Once we graduate and we go out to this world, we will all be exposed to newer things, fresher things. And that’s when we take our past for granted. We’ll be making new and different plans. Eddie, where would we fit in our old friends’ plans, then?” 

Bill is right. In the end, that’s how it would’ve turned out. Bill merely confirms what has been on his mind for the longest time. 

As if to convince Eddie one last time (like Eddie needed more convincing), he whispers. “Richie is not like this… like us.” 

Eddie immediately thinks of the conversation he heard between Richie and Stan. _Eddie is of different genre from us, understand?_ Now Eddie knows. 

Now Bill is softly tracing the shorter boy’s cheek to his lips, and Eddie is somewhat terrified of his actions, which the older boy notices. 

“I would never hurt you.” Bill tells him. “You know I never would.” He kisses him first on the corner of his mouth and steps back to assess Eddie’s reaction. 

Eddie surrenders, choosing to trust the boy his mom entrusts for him. Bill goes again for his lips and this time Eddie lets him. The taller lad pulls him closer by the waist and Bill is having his way, after all these years of suppressing his feelings for the boy. And he could have claimed Eddie as his too that afternoon if not for the door suddenly opening, revealing Richie Tozier and Stan Uris outside. 

Bill and Eddie stop to search the eyes of the obviously bewildered newcomers. 

Eddie is ready to cry. This is the part of the soap operas his mom always likes to watch, where the man sees his lover kissing somebody else and he runs away, avoiding explanations and a chance of redemption. He clutches at Bill’s sleeves tightly, ready to pour his tears out when Richie does run. 

But Richie is not walking out. He seemed annoyed all right. What he does next is a surprise to everyone around. 

He makes his way towards the once-snogging pair and whacks Bill across the head. 

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Eddie shrieks. Wordlessly, Richie grabs him and they leave the room in a run, leaving Stan and Bill behind. 

Again, Stan is lost. He shall curse Richie for infinity and beyond – he hates being not told what is going on! 

Bill is cradling his bleeding head. 

_“What the hell was Richie thinking? Why did it have to bleed? Was that asshole holding something in his hand?”_ Stan wonders. He looks down at Bill and observes that the boy is beyond reproach. 

Whatever. He’ll deal with Richie later himself. For now… 

“Come, Bill. I’ll take you to the hospital.” He approaches Bill and puts his arm around him just discovers that not only is Bill angry, he’s also crying. 

7 

Richie only stops running and pulling Eddie’s wrist when they are finally outside the school, after Eddie complains that he’s hurting him. He lets him go. 

“I’m sorry,” Richie says after he seemingly recovers his senses and the scene he witnessed a moment ago fully registers in his mind. He doesn’t face Eddie. 

Eddie just wants to be held again. “That’s not it,” he mutters, because they’re back to square one. “That’s not it.” He is becoming desperate now. “About me and Bill… what you saw earlier… it’s nothing…” _Well, it’s not nothing; but compared to what travesty Richie might be thinking at the moment, it’s nothing. It’s nothing compared to what Richie and Eddie has, that’s what Eddie wants to say._

Still ignoring him, Richie looks around the place. A haven of snow, the place is becoming. _Snow… winter… Ben’s haiku… Damn, why can’t he remember how it goes?_

“Your hair is winter fire… January embers…My heart… ummmm….” 

“My heart burns there, too,” Eddie finishes for him. 

_Oh._ He faces Eddie and laughs. 

“That’s it! Man, I’ve been thinking about that for the longest time! Finally, I can relax!” 

“It’s actually in the school paper, if you care to read it. Miss Wilkes picks her favorites from her lit class to be published.” Now, even Eddie smiles at the stupidity of it all. “What a weirdo,” he says of Richie. 

The snow momentarily stops. 

“Richie.” “Eddie.” “Oh. You go first.” “No, you go first. What do you want to say?” 

“Okay. Listen. Me and Bill—” 

“Fuck that! Forget it! I’ll go first!” 

Eddie just wants to strangle him. 

“Eds, on a more serious note. Do you, uh… Do you wanna… Fuck it. I don’t care what you have with Bill. I don’t care about what I saw earlier. I like you. So, please. Go out with me!” 

And now Eddie is stunned. 

_Eddie, where would we fit in our old friends’ plans, then?_

_Where would we? Will Richie reserve a place for me in the future?_

Richie is getting embarrassed. “Say something, Eds? Am I not good enough? Come on, you’re leaving me hanging again!” 

“Shut it, Richie!” Eddie says, getting shy as well. “You’re sweating! Even though it’s cold… how?” he reaches for a napkin in his fanny pack. “Never mind. How unhygienic can you be?” He dabs Richie’s sweat on his face assiduously. It is the first time he sees Richie blushing. 

Richie must’ve realized that, too. For he says in his damsel-in-distress voice. “Look at me, sir. Ready to give my all to you. My love, my heart, my soul, my virgini—Ouch! You don’t have to hit me!” 

“That’s for what you did to Bill!” 

“The _fuck_! What the _fuck_ do I care about that stuttering _fuck_!” 

“You’re rude! Learn to respect him just as I’ve learned to tolerate you. And you must apologize to him later on.” 

“Ugh. Do I have to? ” 

“For my sake, bastard.” 

“Okay, fine. For you.” 

Then they are laughing. 

He can’t wait to go home and tell Bill all about this. He’ll tell him that he needn’t worry about him – Eddie is old now; they both are. He’ll also ask for forgiveness that he can never reciprocate Bill’s feelings for him. And he’ll also tell Bill that he and Richie will cross the bridge when they get there. And that not everything needs to go as planned. Where’s the fun in life if that is so? 

8 

Bill is still weeping silently when they get to the hospital. He doesn’t talk to Stan as he is lying there in bed… just looking at the ceiling. Stan could have left him but unlike his asshole of a friend, he knows how to care. 

He is sitting by the bed now, casually flipping through the magazines the hospital provided, waiting for the doctor to come in and tell them Bill is safe to go home. Then Stan’s job would be complete. 

“Say…” Bill says suddenly. 

“What?” 

“If… If your friend hurts Eddie I will… I will…” 

Stan smiles and carefully brushes Bill’s hair away from his tear-stained face. “Don’t worry; he won’t. Richie might be a no-good son of a bitch but he won’t break someone’s heart.” _Especially when he can see how much you treasure him,_ he might have added. _When he knows how much he should treasure him._

Bill is not having any of it. He covers his eyes with his forearm and continues crying. “If he does hurt him, I’ll tear him apart.” 

“Sure. I’ll even help you beat him up if you want.” 

Winter – End


	3. Beer In The Spring

When school resumes after Christmas break, Eddie and Richie are officially a couple. Bill actually took a step back to let them be, Richie thanks God. Eddie’s mother though, who Richie had the chance to meet on Christmas Eve, is another story. It was the first time, too, that Richie is grateful for the fact that his parents don’t give two shits about him that they didn’t even notice him leaving their house that one O holy night, and Sonia had to spoil it. Trivia#1: Sonia doesn’t really like Richie and is even more horrified at the choices of his son. Trivia#2: Sonia doesn’t care when and where she will give you a good beating for “swaying” her son “into the bad light” – even in front of that little Denbrough family. 

Eddie was deathly embarrassed at his mother’s actions that night, if his tomato red face was to get by. In Richie’s great shame, he thought Eddie would do nothing to defend him. What could he have done against this gorilla of a mom? But alas and behold, Eddie did. He stood up for him and, with that squeaky voice of his, asked his mother to shut up and respect his decisions. And Bill surprises Richie too when he took second defense to protect Richie’s honor. He seriously can’t wait to tease Stan that he doesn’t need his friendship anymore. 

But on a more serious note, Richie was deeply touched by Eddie’s actions. He, who had doubt Eddie’s feelings before because of his unresponsive kisses and indifferent actions, is rendered speechless by a small guy who likes to wear fanny packs like an accessory. And as Eddie continued with his monologue about how much Richie means for him and what Richie is to him, the famous trashmouth could not take it anymore; he grabbed Eddie away from that wretched place. 

The two of them spent their Christmas in the playground with lemon soda and Ring Dings, slumped in the sandbox while they hear Christmas carols from the houses nearby. It was the merriest holiday Richie had experienced if he’s being honest, the most genuine one – you know, just being with Eddie. Such a shame he isn’t sure if he can experience it again the next year. 

New Year’s Eve was not as special as Christmas as the Toziers had to celebrate it with some relatives in Castle Rock, but Richie got over it quickly. He and Eddie were texting each other nonstop. A year ago, if someone had told Richie that he’ll find a boy he’ll be so crazy for this year, he would have told them they were as crazy as their mom on the sex bed last night. 

Anyway, where were we? 

Right. The recommencement of classes the following year, when Richie and Eddie’s respective little group of friends finally acknowledges their relationship. Well, Eddie’s side does acknowledge Richie – the student council and the school paper committee which he became acquainted with thanks to Bill. They cooed at Eddie whenever Richie comes to “pick his boyfriend up.” Even Mike Hanlon had to stop relaying to Will Byers, the transferee, the history and mystery of Derry just to be an addition to Eddie’s teasers. Billy would smile at them, too, and it does a whole lot to ease the tension between Richie and him. 

Richie’s side, however, is not fully aware to this development in Richie’s life. Why? Because they still haven’t met Eddie. Why? Because Eddie keeps hiding from them. Why? Heck if Richie knows. He can make a guess and say Eddie is not comfortable around such assholes named Stanley Uris, Joe Clarendon (who Stan and Richie like to call Beaver because of his habit of chewing toothpick), and Gary fucking Ambrose fucking Jones (or Jonesy for short if you can’t get pass all those ‘fucking’). And Richie would have guessed it correctly. Well, whatever floats Eddie’s boat, whatever makes Eddie at ease, Richie is fine with that. Having only friends with a prim and proper boy all through his life, Richie can understand Eddie’s feelings if he is introduced to rowdy and uncensored boys, boys lousy enough to make a band – a band, by the way, that is coming to an end this spring. 

The band only lasted for two years, so Richie thinks it’s a little too much that they should have a final show. To which Stan argues that they have a following and they must end it properly. Stan hands him his batch of flyers for their last show and excuses himself home. 

Richie watches his friend make a go towards the exit. Stan’s been doing that a lot lately; too eager to leave school as soon as his classes end. He wonders what he’s up to. 

“He’s seeing Bill,” Eddie tells him when Richie is walking him to his prep school. “Or did you not know?” 

Richie is dumbfounded. “Stan? And Bill? Are we talking about the same Stan and Bill?” 

“Honestly. They’ve been texting each other ever since Christmas break. Bill told me. Didn’t Stan tell you?” 

Richie tried to imagine it. Stan. A Jewish boy with a proper family, a fan of birds, a huge trollop and a total pain in the ass, and is a constant annoyance to Richie because of his OCD. Bill. A stuttering lad with a fucked-up family, all-too talented and too good to be true, and is a constant annoyance to Richie due to his closeness to Eddie… Yeah, he can see them happening. 

Eddie notices the lone flyer in Richie’s hand. “What’s that for?” 

“Oh, this? For our last show. Richard Bachman is disbanding.” 

“Disbanding?” Eddie becomes pensive. “Will you be okay?” 

“Well, it’s not that big deal.” 

“Is it because of our graduation?” 

Richie hums in agreement. “You could say that. It’s about Jonesy. He’s our vocalist. He goes to another school. We’re all friends from middle school, have I told you that? We saved a retard kid from bullies in the past. One of the few things I can be proud of… Anyway, Jonesy is taking an exam for a university far away… in Washington. So I guess it’s the end for Richard Bachman.” 

At the mention of university, Eddie perks up. “Say, Richie. Speaking of graduation, what are you planning—” 

“Eds, d’you want to come watch us?” 

“Huh?” 

They’ve reached the building of Eddie’s prep school. 

“I mean, I haven’t properly invited you yet, have I?” He hands Eddie the flyer. “Here. It’s our last show.” 

Eddie is hesitant upon studying the piece of paper in his hand. “I can’t make it. See, it’s a Friday. I’ve got prep school.” 

“It’s fine. This one’s an all-nighter.” 

“All-nighter?” 

“Yep. It should end around, uh, 5AM. Richard Bachman is around 1AM, so it’s fine if you come after prep school.” He looks at Eddie intently studying the leaflet. 

“Where is the venue at?” Eddie asks softly, eyes still glued to the paper. 

He touches Eddie’s cheek. “Tracker Brothers Shipping,” he answers then leans in to give Eddie a kiss in his lips. Both boys stand still. 

Before, Eddie is unresponsive; but now he willingly parts his lips a little so Richie can kiss him a little deeper. ( _HALLELUJAH, God’s angels are singing at this moment for Richie’s success!_ ) 

Richie steps back and observes how red Eddie’s face is. 

“T-the Tracker B-Brothers?” 

“Yes. Tracker Brothers Shipping in Kansas Street.” 

“If I can make it…” Ed is still embarrassed at how receptive he became at their previous lip-locking session. 

“You’ll come?” 

“Yeah. I’ll come. S-see you.” And then enters the building, leaving Richie to wonder how many more times he can walk Eddie here or home before graduation. 

Ah. Seniors. Entrance examination. Graduation. College. All meaningless shit to him. But with Eddie, everything turns sentimental. 

He seriously can feel the beginning of the end; still just lurking in the corner but it’s there, ready to hit him with a baseball bat. 

2 

Before, Sonia couldn’t be persuaded to let Eddie attend prep school. Who will accompany Eddie there? Billy has no time for prep because of student council. So, who? It is only as of late when Sonia seemed to let Eddie do what he wants. Ever since Christmas Eve when Eddie “humiliated his mommy in front of their friends by defending that wicked boy”, Sonia is wearing her guilt-tripping gear. By doing so, she hopes for Eddie to see what his petty little needs doing to his sensitive mother. But Eddie can’t be bothered. He is a grown-up now; he has to think for himself. And he certainly doesn’t want, when time comes, that he’ll have to hate Sonia for keeping him caged all his life. He loves her too much for that. More importantly, he wants to go to a certain university, and the prep school is going to help him make it there. 

At 11PM, Eddie is finished for his lessons for the day. He won’t admit it out loud, but he had been looking forward to go to Richie’s show. As he is heading towards the exit, though, he is stopped by one of his teachers. Miss Carrie White inquires Eddie if his mother has consented to his school of choice. After all, it is three thousand miles away from and three hours behind Maine. Shouldn’t his famous overbearing mother worry? 

“Yes, ma’am, but…” Eddie hesitated a little. “Both my father and grandfather went to that university, too. And I have a friend coming with me.” The friend being no other than Bill. 

Miss White looks to be relieved. “I see. That’s great. This kind of thing can be inconvenient to parents, you know? You’ll be moving out, and living on your own.” She laughs a little. “You know my mother was just like your mom. She’d been protective of me, too.” Miss Carrie looks down but Eddie didn’t miss the strange glint he saw in her eyes. 

He leaves prep school with that weird conversation in mind. The teacher said something about a similar overprotective mother. How did she get away from her, then? And that glint in her eyes. Did she do something bad? 

He takes a deep breath outside the prep school building. He knows he shouldn’t be thinking all these horrid things. It must be the pressure of the upcoming entrance exams. 

Absently, he fishes the flyer Richie gave him from his coat pocket and studies it. It is the first time he will go to such events. He’s sure he’ll be out of place and probably unwanted there. But he loves Richie enough to trust him that such places won’t do him any harm. 

Eddie reaches the seventh floor of the old Tracker Brothers Shipping Bldg. at half past twelve. 

_‘Weird,_ ’ he thinks at first glance around the place. ‘Why does it seem like I’m the only one here? Where is everybody?’ 

He opens the door and is greeted by the loud sound of shouts and music – his ears are not ready. _So, here they are._

Eddie regards the crowd with the look of disbelief. _So many people… why didn’t Richie tell me there’d be so many people? What if I look like a total outsider?_ With his large sweater, a large book bag and his fanny pack, he is sure as hell he is sticking out like a sore thumb in the midst of these emo punks. 

_So… this is Richie’s world?_

Presently, a receptionist by the door calls his attention. She asks him what band he came for. 

“R-Richard Bachman and the Regulators?” Eddie answers, unsure. He had thought that name is stupid when Richie told him that, that Eddie became unconfident if that is the real name. 

But the receptionist accepts his answer and is even checking her computer. “Got it. Richard Bachman and the Regulators, right? The ticket would be $20.” 

_…and a bit pricey too. Richie didn’t tell me that._

The girl grabs his hand and puts a stamp with some weird logo on it. “Here’s your stamp. And here’s your free drink ticket.” 

Eddie pays the fee and continues to head where the stage is. Curiously, not all of the people are lingering in front of the stage and listening to what band is playing; some are idly standing around with their partners or friends with their free drinks. Again, Eddie feels out of place. 

“What will I get you?” a man asks him. Eddie didn’t notice he had been standing by the bar and in his shock, he didn’t get to answer immediately. He looks at the beverage options behind the man and doesn’t notice another patron ambling behind him. In some comedic sort of mish mash fuckery, Eddie is given the beer which the guy behind him ordered (a fact Eddie himself didn’t notice because he is already lost), and so Eddie went away seeping his beer and finding a better spot to see the stage. 

_‘Bitter,’_ Eddie takes note of the drink in the paper green cup. Richie’s band taking too long, he gets to listen to the conversations going around him, mostly by girls. 

“They said it’s Richard Bachman’s last show tonight.” “For real!?” “Their vocalist is quitting apparently.” “Do you think they fought or something?” “Eh, but I don’t really care much about the vocalist.” “I know right? It’s the guitarist who’s so totes fine!” “What was his name again?” “Richard Tozier.” “Richard Tozier!” “Do you think the band is named after him?” “Could be. With his talent.” 

_This is Richie’s world. And in here Richie is a god. Their God._ Eddie wonders again. _What about someone like me? What am I compared to him?_

And then Richie’s band is playing, pumping up the place, singing an original song. And the place becomes livelier. And the girls are screaming for Richie’s name. 

_Mr. Popular…_

Is Eddie amazed by Richie’s skills? Of course, he is. He’ll be an asshole not to appreciate that. He can’t do anything but just stand there and watch as if mesmerize. That’s his boy right there. 

His boy. Mr. Popular himself in freaking black suit and tie. Popular with the ladies. Killing it with his guitar. And then here’s Eddie looking like a loser in this place of punks. Does Richie really like him for who he is? Looking at all those beautiful ladies that adore Richie, what is Eddie’s chance? What has he got compared to them? 

Did Richie make a mistake upon choosing him? Is Richie aware that he made a mistake? Richie’s been acting weird lately. 

After Richard Bachman’s set, and the place becomes a little quiet again (with the next band singing some rhythm and blues), Eddie is still halfway through finishing his beer. But he is already feeling light-headed, he’ll tell you that. Though he’s still aware of his surroundings, all right. Like right now, he can hear a woman cheer her pretty little friend up. What are they talking about? 

“Geez, show some courage, Carol! It’s their last show, after all.” 

“But, I never talked to him before!” Carol says hotly. “And now—” 

“Listen here, Carol Gerber. You won’t be able to see Richie Tozier anymore! I’m not asking you to confess to him or anything, just chat with him for memories, all right? And if he asks you for a date, well then: lucky you and hallelujah!” 

A pretty woman about to ask Richie for a date, huh? Eddie is nervous. 

3 

“Fuck me, Freddy!” Beaver is wailing in the backstage room. “It’s so darn hot! Whose idea is it to wear these suits?” 

Jonesy stupidly raises his hand. “ Mine.” 

“The fuck with your fuckaroo, Jonesy!” 

“Oh, man. You were amazing back there, Ambrose!” Richie praises their retiring vocalist. Stan and Beaver snicker at the name Richie called him. 

“Don’t call me Ambrose, Trashmouth. It’s fucking disgusting. Anyway, wasn’t this our best performance so far?” 

“It is! Man, it’s such a waste to disband now!” Beaver exclaims. 

Stan shrugs. “Meh. Same shit, different day.” 

“Kiss my bender, Uris.” 

“Fuck off, Beav.” 

They squabble a little while Jonesy and Richie put away their instruments. 

“By the way, Richie,” Stan asks him when Beaver found another way to enjoy himself (i.e. annoying Jonesy). “Did he come? Your…” 

“My? My what? My dad? He doesn’t give a shit.” 

“No, you idiot. Eddie.” 

“Eddie? Oh, Eddie! I invited him, didn’t I?! Where is he? I didn’t see him in the crowd? Did any of you see him?” 

Stan asks him to stop behaving like a prima donna, to which Richie teases him for dating Bill Denbrough (out of all people). Stan flips him the bird and Richie flips him two birds. 

“Same shit, different day,” Beaver just says as he and Jonesy watch them in their little fuckarow (which is, of course, different from fuckaroo). 

SSDD. Same shit, different day. SSDD. That’s this band’s motto from middle school. No one remembers which exactly of them came up with that, it’s just is (although Jonesy sometimes jokes that he’s going to trademark it under his name). Man, Richie is so going to miss this band. 

Suddenly, a woman comes knocking at their door with a friend in tow. Richie doesn’t know either of them. 

“Richie, excuse me. Sorry. Do you have a second for my friend? Come on, Carol!” 

Carol is blushing terribly. “Ah… I’m… I’ve always… I’ve always been a fan of Richard Bachman and the Regulators and… Richie, I’ve always wondered if you have a girlfriend.” 

“Girlfriend?” Richie asks, a little unsure where this is going. SSDD. 

“No! I mean…” Carol sputters. “I’m sorry. Never mind that! Ah, that is… could we maybe… exchange numbers?” 

_Thank God,_ Richie thinks. _I thought she’s gonna confess to me. How awkward can this be if I tell this poor girl that I already have someone?_

“Sure,” Richie says to her request. 

“R-really?!” She’s bursting in tears. Does this really mean the world to her? 

“You did it, Carol! I told you! No need to cry.” 

“C-could I add you in Facebook, too?” 

“Of course,” Richie says again. No harm done, right? 

Unbeknownst to him, Eddie is around the corner of the hallway, listening to this very conversation; confused why he is so jealous of this exchange, positively hurting that Richie is quick to give in to the requests of the pretty girl, and deathly afraid that maybe it was _him_ who made the mistake. 

4 

Richie feels something is wrong when the two ladies left. He can’t shake it off. He feels something bad is happening to someone important to him. 

“You’re popular with the ladies, eh,” Stan observes him but Richie chooses to ignore the bastard. 

“I’m going to step out a little bit,” he says instead. “I need fresh air.” 

5 

Outside, in the still alive and peopled Main Street, Eddie finishes his beer and grudgingly crushes the paper cup and throws it away. He is more than tipsy at this time. He thinks, _‘What would my mother think if she sees me like this? What would she say if I told her what I witnessed a while ago? Why, she will say ‘I told you, Eddie-darling. That boy is no-good. You should’ve listened to dear mommy,’_

There are calls from Richie, which he petulantly ignores. _To hell with him._

He doesn’t know where his feet plan to take him at this time of the hour. But he goes on. He doesn’t care. It hurts. It hurts. It is the first time he feels this type of physical pain in his heart. He should end this. He needs to end this. He doesn’t need any of it. He can still end it now. 

Good God. Is this how Richie felt when he saw him kissing Bill? Then, how cruel Eddie must be in those days. And how cruel fate is to him now. 

Now, he finds himself lying in the sandbox in the playground; the same sandbox he and Richie spent the Christmas Eve in. 

Staring absently into the stars above, he thinks of the present again (or rather, his insecurities). Richie will have a plethora of women falling to his feet. And Eddie is no-good compared to any of them. Richard “Mr. Popular” Tozier can see that, and he will leave Eddie. And Eddie knows it will definitely hurt. So it’s better that this end now, forget any of it and save himself from the pain. He can still pretend nothing ever happened. 

Richie calls again. 

No clue what possessed him, Eddie answers his phone. 

“Hello—” 

“Where are you?!” Richie is shouting. 

“In some park’s sanbox.” There’s a click. The line is disconnected. 

_What the fuck was that about?_ Eddie just closes his eyes, ready to sleep. _See me, mother, about to spend the night in a filthy sandbox during a cold night. Curse my allergies and curse catching a cold!_

He hears rapid footfalls; someone’s running towards him and he has to get up to see who it is. 

Richie jumps into him, making him fall again to the sand. 

_That hurts._ Eddie slaps Richie’s back thrice. 

“Let go of me,” Eddie tries to be threatening. 

“No,” Richie says in the crook of his neck and embraces him tighter. 

“I said let go.” 

Richie’s hand travels to the back of Eddie’s head and pushes him gently to Richie’s waiting lips. 

Could it be the beer that made Eddie so eager for the kiss? Could it be it that made him enthusiastic enough to join Richie in this dance of tongue and lips; that made him moan like a sinful horny kid when Mr. Popular accidentally bit his lips? 

Honestly, only a completely sober Eddie can confirm or deny that. Right now, there are things Richie and an honest/slightly drunk Eddie need to talk about. 

“Was I cool?” Richie asks him softly, his arms still around Eddie’s shoulders so he won’t let go. 

“I don’t know,” Eddie denies. He doesn’t even know if he’s talking about his show earlier or the thing he just did just now. Briefly, Eddie notices that Richie is sitting between his legs. He ducks down his head in embarrassment. “Aren’t you popular with the ladies?” he asks. 

“Huh? Me? Are you drunk?” 

“I don’t know!” 

Richie turns serious. “So, was I cool?” 

“I don’t know,” Eddie repeats. He’s still not looking at Richie. Stupid Richie, asking these stupid questions when Eddie has a lot too on his own. Which he decides to ask now before he chickens out. “Richie, is it fun being with me? Going through all that trouble… making yourself hang out with someone who’s gloomy and nerdy and unstylish… and weak and asthmatic… and a guy.” 

And no. Richie can’t take that load of self-hate. “Eddie. Stop it. I’ll get angry.” 

Eddie’s eyes widen, as if hurt. Richie doesn’t want that. 

“No, I lied! I lied!” Richie says, shaking the surprise out of Eddie. “I won’t get angry, really! I won’t but… Good God! Geez!” He embraces Eddie again, tightly this time, and rambles on and on his true feelings and his answers to his idiotic doubts. “Geez, dude! I don’t get it at all! Why are you saying such weird idiotic things?! You idiot!” 

“Richie…” 

But he is not done. He begins to poke Eddie’s forehead, wondering what kind of stupidity is in there, scolding him as if he’s a stubborn child. “You’re thinking too much! Seriously! I was so worried about you! I thought you were a goner! You idiot!” Then he embraces him again. “Why do you always expect the worst to happen for no reason? Why do you always think such negative things about yourself! Geez, you’re so difficult! You stupid fuck! After all I’ve done for you, after what we’ve been through, you’re going to doubt my feelings _now_?! You absolute moron! And for the littlest things you run away? No, you bastard! Ask me first and I will tell you what I feel about you! I always do! Stupid, stupid! This is bad for my health! Always blocking my calls! I thought I was gonna die! Cut that stuff out already! God! You idiot! Twat!” He stops rambling and opts to just hug Eddie tighter until the latter couldn’t breathe. 

Meanwhile, Eddie is shaken by that unprecedented outburst. He counts how many times Richie called him a blockhead. “Don’t call me an idiot, Trashmouth.” 

Don’t get him wrong, though. He is deeply moved by that rant. Because Richie cares and Richie loves him and Richie is right. Eddie really is an idiot. Richie is right. And when he whispers, “You’re the only one,” to his ear, Eddie is ready to lose it. Finally, when he says to his face, “You’re my number one. And I’ll say it again and again if I have to,” with no hint of mischief, Eddie cries. 

Now he’s the one who pulls Richie into a tight embrace. “Are you serious? You… you popular guy!” He weeps loudly in his arms, while Richie lets him. 

He is contented to stay like that in Richie’s embrace, shedding his tears (he’s been crying a lot lately), admitting that yes – he is an idiot for doubting Richie’s adoration for him. 

He stops when he feels Richie’s hands moving on his back, slipping under his clothes. “Richie, what the hell are you doing?” 

“Well, I’m punishing you,” Richie replies nonchalantly and continues to roam the pale and smooth skin on Eddie’s back with his hands, making Eddie jump on his skin with every touch. “Just the back and nothing more,” he reassures. Luckily, Eddie stays put and just latches onto him. He smiles. “Your spine feels good,” he observes. “It stands out nicely.” 

“Stop saying stupid things,” Eddie hisses, still not moving away. 

“One… two… three,” Richie counts the bones with the tip of his fingers. “Here’s your scapula. Scapulas are what are left of our wings. A novel said that.” 

Eddie begins to squirm a little more when a hand reaches higher and higher to his shoulder blades while the other becomes more and more liberated with its movement. He hears Richie giggle a little. _What the hell?! The bastard is clearly enjoying this_. He gasps for breath. “Richie…” 

“It tickles?” 

Eddie can do nothing but nod. 

“So… so it tickles? Does it just tickle and nothing else?” A hand travels in front. Eddie can’t help it. 

He moans. 

And the sound is quite dirty to his ears. His reaction made the two of them to stop and oh God – Richie might be thinking of other things because of Eddie’s inappropriate reaction. 

“It’s not like that! It’s not what you’re thinking! Just now!” he shouts to his face. 

“No can do.” 

“The hell?!” 

“‘Cause I already recorded that sound in my heart. It’s forever stuck in my memory,” Richie says with all seriousness. “Now, I can replay it whenever I want.” 

Is this guy real? Or did Eddie wake up in an alternate universe where sappy and idiotic prince-charmings like this exist? 

“ _What the fuck?!_ Are you even for real?! Idiot!” Eddie half-shouts in disbelief. 

Richie laughs. “Something good finally happened today!” 

“You’re an absolute moron!” 

“It somehow turned into a great disbanding anniversary.” 

Eddie hits him again and again, but they do not hurt – only playful smacks after all that he hopes can convey the words that he is still too shy to share: _You’re the only one for me, too. Now and forever._ Because God knows he will die first before he’s caught dead saying those cheesy confessions. But then… 

“You said you’d only touch my back.” 

Richie helps him get up. “Yeah, yeah. My hand slipped.” 

But then, what should stop him from telling Richie the truth? 

Spring – End


	4. Ribbon In The Summer

Lately, Eddie’s been asking about his plans for college. Naturally, Richie offhandedly ignores those questions and asks Eddie for a kiss instead, which by the way are getting into the mischievous side of things every time. Not that Richie doesn’t give a fuck about college but – oh fuck it. He doesn’t give a fuck about college at the moment, all right? He, who has no clue how to continue his life after high school, can’t be bothered to make a plan. What school will take him anyway? And will his parents even care to pay for his college education? It’s not as if someone like Eddie Kaspbrak could understand. 

Eddie has a lot of things going on for him this coming summer and the months beyond. He has prep school. Then visiting his father’s family home at the start of summer vacation. Then summer school followed by an entrance exam to whatever-wherever-whichever fucking university he has in mind. Then, of course, the university that he will only get to attend to next January if he gets to pass the exam. Don’t ask Richie though why Eddie’s academic and life calendar is like that (just what the hell Edward would do from September to December? Maybe to be with Richie; Eddie has admitted that much, or so Richie wishes). 

He won’t take that against Eddie, however. His crisis is all on him, and he’s seen how insecurity can trigger his beloved Eds. Right now, Richie will focus on the important things; which is taking steps further with Eddie (in other words, getting inside his pants). And what’s wrong with wanting to have just one meaningful sex?Summer will start soon. Graduation is in two weeks. Surely getting laid is at the top of any sane student’s priorities. Possibly Eddie is getting sane as well. Because every time Richie gives him one of those ‘deeper, sexier kisses’, he would first tense up out of nervousness, then he’ll gradually relax, then he’ll melt or rather, he’ll _heat up…_

Then he’ll push Richie away because of embarrassment. 

“Just because we were French kissing… it’s not a reason to be embarrassed, Eddie Spaghetti!” Richie would retort. 

And then Eddie would groan. “How many names can you come up to annoy me, Trashmouth?” 

Talk about priorities. 

Why must Eddie make it so hard? Summer is coming. Isn’t that the season where you lose yourself to the heat and take step towards adulthood? It’s been more than half a year since they started going out, how come they still stop at kissing? Does Eddie also want to do it? What if he doesn’t? 

Richie needs an opinion and a suggestion, probably from someone who is an expert. 

He observes his two remaining friends at the bleachers of the football field where they just had lunch. Beaver is chewing his toothpick and reading _Danger Days_. Not him then; he’s obviously a virgin loser. Stan the Man is casually flipping through his bird book. A nerd, yes, but he’s also going out with a boy. He could definitely ask Stan but the torment of unending insults is sure to follow – not sure if it will all be worth it. What about Stan’s boyfriend then? Never mind. Richie still likes to consider Bill as an enemy. 

School being lazy these days, Richie gets to scout for more students who will potentially give him an insightful word. Henry by the hallway is a no-no because, like Stan, he will harass him for wanting to know such a stupid thing. Patrick Hockstetter is out of the question, too, because he knows for a fact that the man is a big ‘ol homophobe. Richie thought he’d found his pot of gold when he managed to corner Ben Hanscom by the drinking fountain and asked him how he got pass second base with Beverly, but then someone thumps his head upside down. He turns around to see Beverly Marsh in all her red-hair glory. She’s already pulling Ben away. Richie curses her under his breath and then resumes his ‘exciting’ journey. Will Byers at Math class actually said to him, “How the hell was I supposed to know? I’m not like Eddie.” 

“Well au contraire, Willy-Billy, you’re a small bean just like my Eddie Spaghetti.” 

“That doesn’t prove anything. Ask him yourself, Richard. Or maybe you can ask some advice from Bill. They are best friends, right?” 

Richie curses his luck. “Fine. Whatever. I’ll talk to Bill if that’s what the world wants.” 

2 

He of course finds him in the student council office, where the student leader also doesn’t seem to like being visited by him. 

“Oh! William!” he calls in his sultry, Marilyn Monroe voice. 

Bill is unimpressed. “What? Stop doing t-that. You’re g-giving m-me goosebumps.” 

“Whatever.” Richie dismisses the mild insult cheekily. “Anyway, I have a question.” 

“Y-you know that hair’s way t-too long.” 

“Listen. Whenever you and Stan Uris fuck, how— Ow!” 

What is it with redheads hitting his head upside down? 

Bill grabs him by the shoulders and excuses himself from the rest of the student council who heard about the cheesy tidbit about him and a certain Jewish boy. Another thing to learn: Bill’s stutter disappears when he’s making terrible excuses. Richie could’ve laughed during this predicament but his head still hurt. Bill drags him to the school rooftop where no one can listen to their oncoming awkward conversation. 

“Are you an i-idiot?” Bill asks of him. “Y-you know Stan’s p-parents disapprove of homosexual relationship, right? W-what if someone h-hears you and spread it a-around?” 

Richie apologizes sincerely. Really, he’s an airhead at times. He thinks he must make it up to Stan too later. For now he tells Bill why he’s come to ask for his help in the first place. Bill is even _more_ unimpressed. 

“Honestly? As graduating s-students, we should be worrying about exams a-and c-college applications or yearbook s-signing. Instead, all y-you’re thinking about is getting l-laid.” 

“Well, Stan has actually spilled to me that you’ve done it a lot.” Ignoring Bill’s reddening face, he continues, “so it means you’re both knowledgeable in the field. I can’t ask Stan though because, ugh. The mocking he’ll put me through. So I’ve chosen you, our erudite, fearsome and honorable stuttering leader. I was thinking you might teach me a thing or two.” 

“Do you really think I will give i-information to you about my Eddie?” 

“He’s my Eddie now! Check your calendar. Geez. Anyway. Where was I? Okay, so I was surfing the Internet about this. Even reading books. And in manga, I see that _it_ goes in easily. I mean there’s stretching involved sometimes, but…” 

“Your parents are going t-to kill you when they find o-out you’re reading those.” 

Richie sighs. “You’re wrong about that. They don’t care one way or another.” A pause of consideration. “Eddie is probably virgin anyway.” 

Silence. “He is,” Bill mutters. 

Honestly, Richie is plainly irritated. Of fucking course. Out of all the people who can know if Eddie’s been touched or not, it’s William ‘I’m-his-childhood-friend’Denbrough. Dear God, please don’t give him any more reason to regret this conversation. 

“Anywaaaay,” he drones on. “So, who tops? You or Stan the Man? Is any one of you a screamer?” 

Bill narrows his eyes at him. “You know, it’s your choice to a-act like a dog in h-heat and all. I guess Iu-understand that it goes with the oncoming s-s-season. But you need to c-c-care for your body and h-health.” 

“Huh? Yeah, I guess Eddie is kind of frail.” 

_“Are you listening to me?!”_

“I guess I shouldn’t overdo it because of his physical condition. Or hips, I guess?” 

“Y-You’re an idiot, I swear. W-What Eddie saw in you, I w-will never find out. Don’t you see? We’re both aiming for CalTech and I don’t t-think…” he stops, realizing what he’d just said. 

Richie looks at him with wide eyes. _CalTech_? It takes a while to process that information. Overhead, an airplane flies by. 

“CalTech?” Richie wants to clarify. “Is that California Institute of Technology?” 

“Uh… well, y-y-yes.” 

Richie smiles in spite of himself. “Wow, I got the jackpot. It’s this kind of pop quizzes that I excel at, you know.” Then click. “Wait… CALIFORNIA!?” 

“Damn, my tongue slipped,” Bill mutters under his breath. 

Richie is unforgiving. “Is California Institute of Technology in California?” 

“Well, that p-part is obvious.” Bill can’t look at him in the eye. 

Richie found it hard to speak in the next moments. It’s as if his head is going to explode with that news. Eddie is going to California. Bill is going, too. So what will happen to Stan? Did Stan know about this? Should he tell him? What will happen to Richie? 

Why didn’t Eddie tell him anything? 

3 

Richie is waiting for Eddie in front of his prep school building. What Richie wants at that late of the evening, Eddie has no idea. But he has definitely a bad feeling about this, even when Richie looks like his usual self. Eddie can just feel it. 

Richie takes him to the park (the place where they had their first kiss – so long ago it seems) and treats him the same brand of soda (now in lemon flavor!). All the while, Eddie is quiet and just waits for Richie to broach the subject. They drink in disquieting silence. 

“I heard you’re applying to California Institute of Technology?” Richie finally asks, his voice laced with disapproving tone. 

Eddie’s stomach drops. Here it is, the moment he’s dreading to come, Richie finding out the rest of his plans. “Who told you?” he asks as Richie gets up from the bench they’re sharing. 

“Bill. He told me by accident.” 

“Oh… right.” 

Richie stretches his arms outwards and groans. “So it’s true. I see… I see…” he walks a few more paces away from their seat to the fountain. “I see,” he says repeatedly. “I see.” 

Eddie is getting nervous of Richie’s actions. _But Richie can’t be_ that _mad, right? It’s just a small thing. Just a small—_

“When did you decide that?” Richie spats, not looking at him. The one hand holding his soda can is now loose, as if he’s ready to drop it in any minute, much like Eddie’s hopes. 

“I didn’t decide it like… that,” the smaller boy tries to explain to Richie’s back. “My parents and grandparents were graduates there. So I just always kind of aimed for it since I was young…” 

“You and Bill, you mean? Jesus Christ. Didn’t you think about us? About me? Things like distance and time. Well, who bloody cares? But it’s just… how do I say this? I’m just wondering why I had to find out from Bill, I guess. Why?” Finally, he faces Eddie with a defiant expression that makes the frail boy crumble. “Why didn’t you tell me? If I didn’t find out by accident, I would’ve just never known. And it’d end like—” 

“You’re wrong!” Eddie counters. “That’s not it! I would’ve told you eventually, I promise that’s true. It’s just… the timing is just never right.” 

Richie is not having that lame excuse. He walks straight up to Eddie’s crushing figure and, with an accusing tone, says, “You know what’s happening? You’re just avoiding the issue. In the end, you already know you won’t change your mind. So you didn’t wanna tell me because you didn’t want to fight about it. You just keep quiet, hoping our relationship would gradually fade out. Between you and me, it’d just end naturally.” 

Eddie gets up and slaps him in the face, effectively cutting him off from those hurtful accusations. Eddie is not done showing him he’s not the only one on the wrong. “You didn’t tell me anything, either,” he seethes. “What your plans for the future are, or what is going to happen to us after graduation. You never tell me anything. I don’t know anything about you either!” 

“You’re right,” Richie says quietly, and is it just Eddie who thinks that the tone he used is mocking? “The both of us don’t know anything about each other.” He hurls his soda can down with such gravity of spite, Eddie flinches. Richie starts to walk away. “Let’s not meet each other for the time being.” 

Eddie is left alone, with his confused and tired heart and the fizzling lemon soda, without the knowledge that Richie is crying, too. 

4 

True to their words, they haven’t seen each other and Eddie is terribly, terribly missing his boy.All his paranoia before of the heartaches he will have to bear is now coming to fruition. And he doesn’t know if he’s tough enough to brave it all. He couldn’t even find a diversion because theentrance examand Richie, now both are distraction to each other and Eddie’s in desperate need for fresh air.But he can’t take that fresh air at the moment because there’s a mock exam coming up. It’s silly that he has to take a mock exam seriously – he knows that, but it’s all for his childhood ambition of entering CalTech. If only Richie can see that. 

_If only Richie will come with him._

That, however, is a selfish and insensitive dream. So how about this… 

_If only Richie can forgive him for keeping this vital piece of information from him. If only Richie told him what he’s planning to do with their relationship after graduation. If only they can reach an understanding._

Unlike Bill, who is Eddie enormously envious towards because he is fine and dandy with his relationship. He’d told Stan firsthand about CalTech and Eddie heard that they have quite a plan. _If only he and Richie are open to each other like that._

Bill becomes careful around him when Eddie told him that he and Richie had a cooling off. Bill, dear sweet Bill, becomes distraught and gently asks what he can do to make it all better. Eddie had shaken his head then in reassurance, and told Bill he is fine. There are more important things to worry about, and Eddie thinks he ought to handle it on his own. But the older of the two suddenly gathers him in his thin arms, and promises that he won’t let Eddie out of sight and make him feel like he’s alone. Against his chest where Eddie can hear his strong throbbing heart, Billreminded him that it’s his job to protect him always at all cost. Eddie felt like crying. They were making promises like they were children again. What would it be like to grow old with him? ( _Long-winded therapy session regarding their choice of friends… remember that?_ ) 

Bill accompanies him in Jerusalem’s Lot that Saturday. A branch of Derry’s prep school, instructors in Salem’s Lot remind them of the schedule of the mock exam, what to wear, what type of pencil to use, what room, and other things like that.Typical things. Then they are back to the train station just as soon to go home. Bill holds his hand in the middle of the crowd, and all the while Eddie is thinking of Richie’s words: 

_“The both of us don’t know anything about each other.”_

What the hell does Richie mean by that? 

_“Let’s not meet each other for the time being.”_

That… is that final? What does he mean ‘for the time being’? Up to when? Is Eddie unforgiven? Does Richie hate him? Doesn’t Richie love him anymore? What is even with his attitude? Is he an idiot? 

The train comes. The door slides open. Multitudes of people enter and exit the cars. Bill tugs at his hand but Eddie is not moving. His heart is racing. His chest hurts. He feels so hot. His knees are buckling. 

“Eddie...” 

Eddie collapses. Lucky that Bill is there to catch his weight. The redhead guides him to an open space in the station and fans his face with Eddie’s notepad. The smaller boy feels really sick to his stomach. Quickly, Bill reaches for Eddie’s fanny pack and fishes for his inhaler and a pack of tissue. People are staring. 

“Eddie, stay with me… stay with me… you can do it.” 

He gives him his inhaler and Eddie breathes in air with greedy intakes while Bill gently dabs the sweat on his face off with the tissue. Not just sweat, Bill notices, but there are tears, too. 

“I’m sorry, Bill.” Eddie hiccups. “We missed the train. Please don’t be mad.” 

“Oh, Eddie.” Bill holds him against his chest. “That’s all right. I’m not mad at you.” He pets the smaller boy’s soft hair and gives him sweet little kisses in his forehead (again, like they were when they were kids). Eddie continues to cry in his arms. “Cry. Just let it out. We have time. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you. Always. I’ve got you.” 

It occurs to Eddie again of how much he is grateful for Sonia for giving him Bill. Out of all the wrong things she’s done. He’s thinking of how heis willing to die for Bill for all the things he’s done. He’s willing to die in his arms if that would show his love for him. And ultimately, he’s willing to die for another chance of being with a friend like that. 

5 

Jonesy already left for Washington the week before. And because Beaver is a fucking dweeb who’d rather spend his weekend with his friends he met in a comic-con, Richie and Stan are stuck with each other that one last Saturday that the spring season offers. 

During that hot day, Richie bicycles his way to the Uris residence and then heads straight on to Stan’s room after having a nice little chat with Stan the Man’s father. The adults are all asking him about his post-high school plans and he’s not happy about that.Stan’s parents have always been nice to him, but if Richie hears anyone again ask anything about his future, he doesn’t know what he’ll do to their silly heads (curse the hot weather – he’s usually isn’t this violent).Even his own parents, last night, asked him what he wants to do in his life, and if they can be of help then all Richie has to do is discuss it with them. A little bit surprised by the sudden offer and a little annoyed that he’s getting nagged yet again of his post-graduation plans, he didn’t get to answer.Here’s hoping that Stan can lift his mood or else he will lose his mind in this hot weather. 

Stan is playing some random video game when he enters his tidy room. His longtime friend offers him the other controller but Richie is in no mood for that so he just throws himself in his bed. Stan just shrugs his shoulders then and ignores him in favor of his game. 

Richie yawns despite of the hot, pestering weather conditions. “Mommy, I want ice cream.” 

Stan doesn’t look away from the monitor. “Who you callin’ mommy?” 

“I’m so bored!” he exclaims in response. 

“Everyone’s busy with their college applications. Next week’s graduation, after all,” Stan deadpans, still not making a deal out of Richie’s sour mood. 

“How about you?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“After graduation. You’re still taking vocational course?” Richie hopes he can come with him, just so he can have an answer to every adult who’s asking, and to Eddie too, when they meet again. And why not? If Eddie goes to wherever Bill would go, why can’t the same thing apply to him and Stan? Heck, he’ll even tag Beaver along. They’ll all stay in Derry – contented, simple, non-ambitious but still has a future. Richie doesn’t need the blinding lights of California for a prosperous adult life. And Stan hasn’t let him down before. 

“About that,” Stan still has his no nonsense tone, “I’m applying to the University of Virginia.” 

He immediately sits up from the bed. “What?” is all he could muster to voice out. There are many things he wants to say more. _You too? You’re leaving me, too? Is everyone around here ought to betray me?_

“Virginia?! That’s like… so far from Maine.” 

“But it’s close to California.” Stan spares him one glance. “Bill and I are getting serious, Richie. So for heaven’s sake, don’t get your panties in a twist every time Bill and Eddie are together. I know they have a weird relationship and all but it doesn’t affect me.But sometimes your jealousyis rubbing in on me and it’s annoying me. You’re annoying me, Richie.” 

“But Virginia?” 

Now Stan pauses his game. “I’m kind of smart, if I say so, myself. I’m confident of what people around think of me. But I know I can never be as intelligent as Bill. I can’t attend the same university as him… I can’t go to a top-notch university like he can but… it’s still the best university in Virginia. My Dad is already processing the needed papers for me. They don’t know about Bill and I still, except that’s not what’s important.” He ducks his head down, hiding his blushing cheeks.“I was so contented to just enter a vocational school, Richie. But I want to go where Bill is. And my parents would be happy if I don’t settle to what’s convenient. It’d be a win-win. All I have to do is change my mind and step up my game.” He pauses, and gives Richie a sideway glance but still with traceable vulnerability. “Have I told you… that me and Bill are getting serious?” 

Richie stares at him with a combination of awe and bafflement. To some extent, Richie can understand what his friend is feeling right now. But there’s also resentment building in the pits of his mind based on what he’s heard: Stan has a plan, Stan’s parents approved, Stan is going to be close to Bill. And to think, Bill told him about his aim to enter CalTech that Stan got to reconsider his steps to be near his stuttering boyfriend. Seriously, what are Eddie and Richie doing wrong in their relationship? 

Stan takes a good look at Richie’s puzzled expression before quickly resuming his game. He clears his throat. “What about you? SSDD?” 

“I don’t know. I’ve got so much on my plate.” He tells him of his parents’ offer the past night. 

“That’s nice. Finally they give you some shit. So are you applying for community college? Or do you have anywhere to go to this summer?” 

“Aw, geez, sir. My royal governor, I’ve got no plans at all!” Richie says too dramatically so Stan can’t see the pain. 

“Didn’t you plan to bring Eddie to a resort?” 

Richie grimaces. “If you could please refrain from saying his name…” 

Stan tosses his controller away and faces his friend, face filled with mischievous mirth. “Eddie. Eddie. EddieKaspbrak. Eddie. Eddie. How about that, you little prima donna?” 

“What’s your problem!?” 

“Hey, Bill told me you planned on taking Eddie to bed? Is that right?” 

“Fuck you!” But he’s not really mad. It’s just that the mention of the name makes him long for the person. As if he can stay mad at Eddie for an awful lot of time. Wouldn’t it be unacceptable if he doesn’t admit that he has faults too that contributed to their cooling off? He badly wants to be with Eddie. But Eddie has a step four, five, six, maybe up to step twenty. Meanwhile Richie stops at step three. 

Stan becomes thoughtful. “So, are you and Eddie going out? Bill’s not telling me anything.” 

“We are,” Richie says simply. 

“Well, finally you admit it.” 

“Don’t be cocky.” 

“I’m not being cocky. I’m just surprised… I guess. But I kinda get it.” 

“Get what?” 

“For one, you’re not really interested in girls and stuff. Even when you’re dating one. You never really seem to care to hang on and you just let them go. And I thought that’s all right. Maybe you were influenced by your shitty parents, that’s what I thought. Maybe you were the type of guy who can’t fall in love. So I guess I’m glad that you found Eddie?” 

For the second time that afternoon, Stan leaves Richie wondering. “You were worried about that, huh?” 

“In that case, isn’t this like your first love?”

_First love?_

Out of nowhere, there comes the image of Eddie alone in the theater hall, practicing Africa by Toto, a day in the autumn; alone because his order of contact lenses didn’t arrive that week, alone because he didn’t want to bother Bill with that petty concern; a cute boy practicing Africa alone with the wrong notes, misguided melodies, and a cracking voice. 

An image of Eddie looking up at him in amazement, saying, _‘We didn’t practice that part yet’_. And also him, leaning in to shyly whisper, _‘Uh… sure_.’ 

_First love?_

Richie looks ridiculous when he’s daydreaming that it makes Stan uncomfortable. He tells Richie so with a disgusted leer. 

“You were the one who started talking about weird things, idiot!” 

“Gross, Trashmouth. You were 100% lovey-dovey and shit! You’re a disgrace! What… are you seriously hard right now just by talking about him?!” 

“You Jewish cunt, if you don’t shut up this instant I’ll kick you so hard you’ll be flying to Virginia in no time!” 

“Go ahead, you cheesy sandwich. I’ll just wait for Eddie and Bill there!” 

What Richie would do just to have friends like that again in his next lifetime. 

6 

A week passed. The day of the mock examination comes. 

Bill can’t come with him. Student council duty; he has to participate in the assemblage of the football field for their graduation stage. Eddie doesn’t mind. Why, Bill had been too anxious to accompany Eddie that Eddie’s been the one to worry about _his_ health. Eddie has to remind him that if they got to CalTech, they would be with each other 24/7anyway (the therapy sessions, oh, the therapy sessions) – it would be nice to breathe in different air in the few moments that they are apart, right? 

Sonia sees him off in the porch of the Kaspbrak household, giving him little reminders: his exam pass, his pencil case, his identification card. And Eddie reminds his panicky mom that it’s just a mock exam. In her eyes, he sees the pleading she can’t vocalize. ‘ _Are you really sure about this? To California, really? I thought you’ll be contented here in Derry? Eddie dearest, please, don’t do this to your mommy_.’ Eddie disregards those for the moment. He has few months until December to work on his farewell to his mom and she on her separation anxiety. 

In that day of the start of summer, as he heads to the train station all by himself that early morning, he doesn’t worry about Bill and Sonia. It’s Richie that’s been haunting his mind. 

Will they have to separate in a sad note? How long it’s been since Richie called him in his cellphone? 

_“Didn’t you think about us? About me? Things like distance and time. Well, who bloody cares?”_ Richie had asked him.

Eddie did think about it, though, the time and distance. 

_“Why didn’t you tell me?”_

Because, how could he just say that he’ll be gone, off to a place three thousand miles away and three hours behind Derry? How? 

_“If I didn’t find out by accident, I would’ve just never known. And it’d end like—”_

It’s not like that. 

_“You know what’s happening? You’re just avoiding the issue.”_

That’s right. But… 

Inside the moving train, people gawk at the small boy huddled up by the door, seemingly crying, trying to stop the tears with a white handkerchief, struggling to calm himself down and control his breathing. What a strange sight to see in that awfully hot day and in that crowded train. 

_“In the end, you already know you won’t change your mind.”_

Eddie never said that. Even he didn’t know what to do. 

_“So you didn’t wanna tell me because you didn’t want to fight about it.”_

That’s not true. 

_“You just keep quiet, hoping our relationship would gradually fade out.”_

That’s not true at all. 

Eddie can’t help the tears. He wants to stop but there’s no around but him to ease the pain. Heshouldn’t need Bill at this moment of need. Bill will be his friend in California, his brother, classmate, roommate, confidante, a sweet reminder of home and childhood wonders. However, Bill should be free of that burden now, now that he’s found someone who deserves him. Eddie must handle this little episode inside the train on his own. Nevertheless, Bill’s happiness with someone new brings Eddie such sorrow because it feels like he can never have what Bill is having. Such a selfish, evil creature Eddie is. He wants Richie. He needs Richie like his heart needs oxygen. He wants Richie to save him now. He wants his four-eyed Trashmouth to call him and save him like that time in the spring, in the sandbox where Eddie is being an idiot. He just... wants to see Richie. 

_God, please. Help me this one time. Please, God._

His cellphone rings. 

A little startled but still hopeful, he picks his cellular device from his bag’s front pocket. It’s Richard Toziercalling. 

“Hell—” 

“Ah, it connected at fucking last! Where are you right now, Eds? Are you outside?” Only Richie can be so casual after a cool off. 

“In… a train…” he answers weakly, for his heart decides to give him trouble in that minute out of all minutes. 

Richie picks it up. “What’s wrong?” he asks worriedly. 

“I feel sick… I’ll get out at the next stop… I think…” 

“What station?” 

“Brunswick.” 

7 

He didn’t know that he fainted. 

He dreams that he and Richie are standing face to face. They are connected by a maroon ribbon that is tied to their wrists. 

“I like this color,” Richie tells him cheerfully as Eddie studies the lace. 

“Maroon?” 

Richie hums. “It’s autumn-like, isn’t it?” 

“I guess so. But why?” 

“The time of the year we met.” 

Eddie hears a voice calling his name from the beyond the darkness and he almost didn’t notice it because of the interesting ribbon in his wrist. 

“They’re calling for you,” Richie says and without much ado he cuts the ribbon connecting them with a scissor that came out of nowhere. Eddie is aghast. 

“Why did you do that!? I thought you like this ribbon?” 

“We can just tie it again,” Richie says simply, confidently. 

He retorts, “But it wouldn’t return to the way it was before.” 

Richie scrutinizes the ribbon left in his own wrist. “Isn’t that okay? Even if it’s not the same, even if it looks different, isn’t that interesting, too? And it’s not like the colors will change.” He sounds so hopeful. It makes Eddie believe as well. 

The voices return to call for Eddie again. He turns to where the voices come from. 

8 

“EDDIE!” 

Eddie opens his eyes, and there’s Richie (for real this time) hovering above him. Eddie is lost: when did he exactly get off the train and to Brunswick? When did Richie arrive? 

Richie is so relieved. “Aw, thank fuck! I’m glad. You had me worried! Why do you always make me worry, huh, Eds? Why do you have so many things? Where are you going?” 

Eddie could only stare. Still a little lost, he takes a glance to his right hand, looking for the ribbon. His eyes land upon his wristwatch though, and in his horror, he finds that it’s now 9:30. He’s going to be late for the mock exam. 

“No! It’s no good. If the exam starts at 10AM, it’ll be no good. I’ll fail again!” he rambles on. Sitting up, he starts to gather his things. 

“Eh, but it’s only a mock exam,” Richie says. 

“It was the same last time for the high school entrance exam!” Eddie tries to explain. “I failed all of the exams for the other schools outside Derry, my schools of choice, because I couldn’t take the train!” 

“Isn’t it fine to fail?” 

Eddie glares at him. “How dare you!” 

Richie laughs it off. Like the Richie in his dream, he sounds very optimistic. “Well, I’m just saying, it’s thanks to you failing those exams that you and I met, right?” He stares at Eddie’s eyes. The latter blushes. “Well, we met on our last year but it’s still wonderful and all,” Richie adds cheekily. 

The smaller boy becomes speechless at that realization. 

“Well, then. Are you feeling better now? Can you stand?” He helps him get up on his feet. “If we hurry, we might still make it.” 

Outside the train station, Richie leads him to a motorbike Eddie’s never seen before. The former hands him a helmet and makes him ride on the back. Not finished, he pulls both Eddie’s arms and wounds them around his waist. Eddie is thankful Richie can’t see the redness on his face. They are so close, after two weeks of separation. Eddie’s heart is beating fast again. 

Then they are on the road towards Salem’s Lot. 

“Stan helped me pick this baby up in Chester’s Mill last week, also the week I got my license,” Richie explains for him on the way. 

“Chester’s Mill?” Eddie softly repeats against the soft fabric of Richie’s Hawaiian shirt. 

“Yeah. But they have poor reception there. That’s why I couldn’t call you. You can punish me later on, Master Edward!” Richie finishes in one of his silly lady voices. Then his voice turns to normal. “I was just cruising around, then I thought, ‘Hey, why don’t I invite Eds for a joyride, you know.’ Anyway, we should go to Chester’s Mill sometime. Just the two of us. Stan is boring me. And I’m sure you’re getting tired of Bill, too.” He laughs. 

“Not true. And don’t call me Eds,” he murmurs. “But I wouldn’t mind going there with you…alone… just the two of us. That would be… splendid.” 

Quiet on the road. They are getting into Salem’s Lot now. Fifteen minutes left in the clock. 

“I’m sorry,” Richie says suddenly. 

“About what?” 

“You were working so hard for your entrance exams, and I felt like you were leaving me behind, so I sulked and got all defensive. When it’s really my fault that I hadn’t decided anything about my future. So I decided to move forward as well.” A generous pause. “Stan gave me an idea what to do.” 

Eddie remains quiet. For some reason, he knows that Richie has something more to say. 

“You know, I think no matter how you choose to live, there will be regrets. But in return, there are also things you gain from it. But for me, leaving you is not an option right now.” 

Deeply touched, Eddie tightens his hold around the driver’s waist. “It’s the same for me,” he says. “So please, don’t cut the ribbon so hastily.” 

“Ribbon? What ribbon?” 

9 

They arrived at the designated building with five minutes left. Eddie hops off quickly with a clearer mind than he had when he was still in Derry. 

Richie is trying to alert him. “Will you make it?” 

“I will!” 

“Concentration!” 

“Concentration!” Eddie repeats. 

“Relax!” 

“Relax! Richie!” 

“Yes, sir?” 

Eddie gives him a quick peck on the lips. “I’m off.” 

Genuinely surprised by the kiss and a tad bit too happy about his Eddie Spaghetti’s actions, he shouts, “I’ll be waiting here, my darling!” 

Which his small bean didn’t expect and causes him to almost trip in the stairway. 

10 

At 1PM, all the (mock) examinees leave the building. Everyone exalted. Some annoyed that they have still much to learn before the real college entrance exams commend. Some becomes confident with what they reviewed so far. But one in particular, just feels contented. He exits the building, and straightaway crosses the street to another boy dozing off underneath a lamppost. He sits beside the sleeping figure, but the sleeping figure immediately wakes up because of his presence. 

“I fell asleep, didn’t I?” Richie asks groggily. 

“Yeah,” Eddie replies. 

“So, how did it go?” he asks, while stretching his limp arms. 

“No idea.” 

Richie looks at him with mixed confusion and worry. Eddie is hiding his face between his knees. 

“But it’s okay. It doesn’t matter,” Eddie mumbles. “As long as you’re with me, that’s more than enough.” 

Astounded again that Eddie becomes bolder and more honest to his feelings for Richie.It must be the weather. Or possibly, it’s just the right time to say the truth. 

“I want to kiss,” Richie requests with an odd determination. 

“No. There’s people around,” Eddie denies quickly. 

So Richie gives up quickly too. “Thought so,” he says and rests his head on his knees. Slowly, he looks up when he feels a soft and small hand brushing his hair. Then, Eddie is leaning down to initiate the kiss. A warm kiss on a hot day. A piece of memory Richie couldn’t live without in the future. 

What he remembers last in Salem’s Lot is his hand wrapped around Eddie’s that is around his shoulder, looking at people walking to and fro in front of them. 

So it ends here. Their last year, their high school days; naïve, childish days in Derry. 

But there are more beginnings than endings: a future, a promise, a wider world, an advanced game, and of course, their last summer in Derry. 

Richie remembers all of these. He reminds Eddie so in a cramped dorm room inVirginia, two years later, when Bill and Eddie visit Stan and him all the way from California, for Stan’s birthday celebration. It was one of those times that Richie is ‘getting his panties in a twist again’ (as Stan lovingly describes), and Eddie becomes his idiot self. One of those times when everything is painful. Richie tells him, because at least one of them has to try to hold on. 

“‘As long as you’re with me, that’s more than enough.’ Do you remember saying that? You said those words, then kissed me. A warm kiss on a hot day.” 

Eddie stands on his tippy toes, holds Richie’s tear-stained face and kisses his chapped lips – a way of telling him that he still remembers the fall, the winter, the spring and the summer of their last year, and to reassure that his promise still applies to this day, that he loves Richie. Yes, Eddie loves Richie, no doubt about that. 

Richie makes him promise again with a maroon ribbon. 

_fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's finished :) Thank you for taking the time to read this.


End file.
